I've often learned that the ups and downs of life come in waves. For some; the ups seem to rise more frequently - their life is abundant with perfect peaks, and for others the downs hang around longer, all wishy-washy and hard.
I don't nesseesscarily believe in luck, as I've seen bad things happen to good people. But with that said, every now and then; I do believe in some aspects of Karma. And I definitely believe in living well, staying positive and being kind. Always.
There's been times in my life, when things are going just a little too perfectly, and I await the arrival of the inevitable dumping wave. The wave that sucks you up, throws you around and heaves you down - leaving you feeling drained and wasted and almost lifeless. And because I know those types of waves are just apart of life - I try to accept them, attempt to embrace them and then with all my might - survive them.
Maybe we have to experience the bad.....simply so we appreciate the good?
During my 30 years of life, I've surfed beautiful, crystal formed waves. The type that peak and roll and glisten. Waves that make you feel on top of the world. They bring good materialist things; like holidays and new handbags and fancy meals out. Blessed things like new houses, family support and connected friendships. Miraculous things like pregnancies, marriages, love, healthy children and good health.
More good things have happened in my life than bad. And for that I'm grateful.
But of course, like everyone on this journey of life - I've experienced many dumping waves too. Bad relationships, unkind words and money troubles. Pregnancy losses, surgery and tragedies. Death, grief and loss. I've felt pain. I've questioned the world and the universe many times.
After the high of the weekend and the abundance it brought, I was catapulted back into reality yesterday at my post-surgery checkup. It's been a month since the operation and I was assuming yesterday's appointment would be a quick "everything went well, you feel good, you recovered great, you're all fixed - see you in 6 months for a Pap Smear" But it wasn't. The specialist delivered bad news. News that again - could've been worse.....but could've been better.
Seems that the disease had spread deeper and further than they had anticpated. Although, I'm still pre-cancerous, some abnormal cells still remain in my cervix. Cells that can't be left or ignored. Cells that will multiply and turn invasive overtime. So again, in 8 weeks, I face another procedure and more tests! Ugh!
A plan will be concocted once that procedure has been done and the pathology results are in, but from the specialists' persistent questions about fertility and our plans to grow our family - I'm dreading what the 'outcome' will be.
I never thought at 30, I'd face this. And to be honest, I'm exhausted from the mental drain of all of this.
I have to keep reminding myself though - it could be worse. Compared to some people's story - I ain't got nothing.
I am blessed. Life is beautiful:::::::: My mantra at the moment.
What waves are you riding at the moment? Hopefully the perfectly formed peaks of happiness and calm!!! If not, hang in there....they'll come!