No More Babies.

{photo taken during my Maternity Shoot last year}

2009 was an up-turning year for us. We hit rock bottom in several ways - financially, emotionally & spiritually. Sooooo many things happened in 2009. Not all bad, but not all good either. Chris & I had to really search deep for meaning & reason, and we had to lean on the scaffold of our marriage to get through the year. I believe a lot of the 'events of 2009' happened for a reason, and we learnt so much as it all unfolded. We grew as individuals & as a couple as we reflected back on the crazy year, and embraced 2010 with gratitude & hope.

15yr old Ebony lived with us for the majority of 2009. And although it was something we always subconsciously wanted {to have Chris's first borns living under our roof or at least closer than 2 States away}, the circumstances were not ideal and a lot of learning, growing, forgiving, mistakes & grief was experienced.

I remember things getting really prickly when Ella was around the 15-18month mark {mid 2009}. She was going through a rough 'toddler' stage {and probably feeding off of the tension in our lives}. Her sleeping was haywire, I was rocking up to work each day so sleep deprived. She wasn't {and has never been} much of a tantrum thrower but she was going through a people anxiety phase & a Mummy separation phase when I went to work each morning. Her eating was getting fussy. She seemed to cry A LOT. It was tough.

And on one particular night, quite late, whilst Ella was battling a bout of Tonsillitis and was refusing sleep, we drove around our suburb in the hope to calm her to a lull. But she cried. And cried. On top of everything we were dealing with at that moment, it all felt a little too hard. And through tensed lips & a hurting heart, Chris comes out with this "That's it....we are having NO MORE BABIES!! This is it Claire!!!!"

We spoke more about it and I could see why Chris had said it, and as hurt as I was....I still kinda understood. He was already a Father to 3, and at present...parenthood was proving hard bloody work. But.....yes.....the glass-is-half-full girl {me} could see pass the present time & still had my values & dreams in place. Being a Mother was ALWAYS a dream of mine. Being a Mother of 2, was the ultimate!!!!

Over the next few weeks/months, I thought A LOT about the notion of us not having any more kids. I thought about what that meant for me, for Ella, for our family! I was so grateful to already have a beautiful baby girl but I was gutted at the thought of that being it for us. I had always imagined....just one more. But, over those next few months, I accepted the concept and looked at all the positives. I gradually became 'ok' with it, and moved on with my train of thought, my dreams & my plans for the future.

2009 rolled on. Changes happened. Happiness started to creep back in. Calm reemerged into our lives. 2010 greeted us & we started it with a bang. Things started to look up. Life continued and our love conquered all :)

Six months on, on a Saturday evening, Chris casually tells me that he would love nothing more than to bring another child into the world with me and he regrets saying otherwise all those months prior. Too scared to get my hopes up, I ignored the topic. He then brought it up a week later after we visited his sister in the hospital with her newborn :) And we talked more about it. To say my heart was jumping with extreme excitement & happiness is an understatement. I felt complete.

And then, in a cruel twist of fate, we fell pregnant within a month....and lost the pregnancy & half of my reproductive system. I thought the universe was talking to me....laughing at me. I thought that Chris would see this as a sign. But he was just as shattered as me, and just as keen to move on.

Six months later, we fell pregnant with Ryder.....and the rest was....well, history :)

Now...with 4 kids under our belt. 2 under our roof, but 4 that we're emotionally & financially responsible for, I'm pretty confident to say we're done in the baby-making industry. I'm happy, and blessed & feel VERY complete with my delicious little family.

A family that was meant to be.

How many kids do you have, or plan to have?

Do you and your partner agree on the topic of kids & quantities?

Bubbly.

When I was pregnant with Ella, I discovered this song by Colbie Caillat. I fell instantly in love with it. The lyrics...the meaning....everything about it made me excited about my growing baby & my soon-to-be-moment of becoming a Mother. {In fact I love this song so much, that when we we're pregnant with Ryder, I wanted to call the bub CAPRI if it was to be another girl. We had a boy! And I'm pretty sure we're done with having kids...but if by any chance another little girl enters our life....I'm still sticking with the name! Love it!}

Anyways...where was I? Once Ella was born, life got busy & different....and that song was no longer played over & over again! BUT....I then discovered another of Colbie's songs: Bubbly. And again, I fell in love with the lyrics & feel of the song. With Ella just a few weeks old, I would play it to her to settle her whenever she was fussy. {We're a very music orientated family}. It became HER song. To me, that song was all for Ella. I made a video of her first year of life in early 2009 & used it as the theme song. She was my 'bubbly'.

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A few months ago, I was streaming songs from my iPhone to the car radio as we were driving somewhere. Bubbly came on. I explained to Ella that I used to play this song to her LOTS when she was a tiny baby. I told her that it reminded me of her, because she makes me smile. She makes me feel bubbly to be her Mum. She liked that! It became her new favourite, and every time we got in the car, she would ask for "the song you used to play me when I was little."

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Yesterday afternoon, Ella asked if I would put some music on so she could dance :) At first we danced to Jason Derulo, then a song from the Tangled soundtrack, next came BUBBLY. I sat down and observed my little girl. She spun & twirled & danced with purpose. She sang with passion & moved so unco-ordinately yet so gracefully! I smiled at her. She made me feel bubbly.

I looked over at Ryder and had to pinch myself that Ella too, was that little, just a few short years ago.

Gosh time is flying by. One minute I'm stroking my first born's baby face & singing her a recent hit.....then the next minute, she's four and dancing to the very same song.

Not a baby anymore...not even a toddler....but a big, beautiful, BUBBLY, dancing girl!!!

Lounge-room dancing to Bubbly. 2012. Is there a certain song that reminds you of your kids? Does anyone else feel like time is just fanging' by way too quickly?

Babies.

One thing I really love about writing....about blogging; is the happy flow that comes when I sit down to type. No matter how tired I am, how hard things are in this crazy world we live in, troubles that I've encountered that day....or that week....or that moment; most of the time.....those things don't matter for the few hours I allow myself to sit & write. As soon as I relax {usually with a wine or coffee in hand....depending on the time of day}, flick through my many recent photos & start tapping away at my laptop's keyboard; I only have good thoughts, happy memories, precious moments I want to reflect on. It's my nature to focus on the positive more than the negative & I try to choose to put my energy into the good in my life. So....Maxabella's 52 Weeks of Grateful is one linky that always grabs my attention....as it's the perfect opportunity to forget the crap & focus on the magic. And right now.....I'm so very grateful for......

My Baby Boy:

He's all kinds of scrumptious.

Twelve weeks ago, he made his entrance. In some ways, it seems so much longer than 12 weeks ago, and in other ways, it feels like only yesterday.

But, having him here makes my heart constantly swollen with joy. I have to pinch myself regularly to assure myself that I'm not dreaming....he is real....he is here....and, he is mine!

I've realised that I'm quite fond of babies. I'm really enjoying this stage of complete dependence & the usual bubble of bliss that having a newborn around brings to families.

No, it's not all sunshine & rainbows of course....for starters, he's not a great sleeper.....but he's a Chadwick, so I don't expect him to be.....these Chadwicks have incredible energy levels & a very little desire to sleep, let me tell you :) And he's not a huge fan of being in the car {which can be hard some days, when I need to spend 60% of the day in the car, doing errands & appointments & drop offs etc, and with some early teething signs happening {teething = an act of the devil I swear!!} I'm dreading what's around the corner. But, at the end of the day, for the most part {and the part I want to focus on}, he's a DREAM! He's all kinds of lovely.

His Michelin Man arms are so delicious.

The miracle of life truly is amazing! To think....this blue eyed little spark of a boy was created from a group of tiny cells. He beat all the odds and was conceived only 7 months after I lost a pregnancy, a fallopian tube & half of my left ovary. He grew inside me; forming & developing every little hair, every little bone, very little organ, every inch of deliciousness and now...here he is! It was him all along.....the morning sickness, the kicks, the huge weight gain, the late night hiccups & painful nudges.....it was him!

Oh, my little Ryder {our Mr Rydie-Roo}......WE LOVE YOU!

There's a huge world out there for you to explore my little man & I am so excited for what awaits you.....but for now, Mummy's quite happy with you being so small & so lovely :)

For more doses of GRATEFULNESS....head over to Maxabella's 52 weeks of Grateful links....

Ryder Nicholas Chadwick. Birth Story.

Ironically, my last post here was on Thursday 3rd November :) I was feeling BIG, tired, frustrated & sore. I was getting impatient & wanted so badly to meet our little baby. As I sat at the computer that day, typing.....trying to focus on happy things....I was uncomfortable in this chair. My back was hurting, my feet were throbbing with swelling & my pelvis ached. Now....not even 3 weeks on....I sit in this same chair, I'm 15.2kg lighter, feeling very comfy & very happy.....I'm a Mother of 2....and that feels good!

He's here!

Ryder Nicholas Chadwick has entered the world. He's a booming boy with his Daddy's eyes & his sister's perfectly defined lips. He's perfect in every way possible & I never want to come down off this high-on-life, cloud nine bubble of bliss!

Today, I am grateful.....I am lucky.....I am in love!

After blogging on that fateful Thursday, I decided I would take a plunge and get some acupuncture. I've never had acupuncture before so was hesitant at first......but after researching, reading & talking to others who have had it done, I booked into a Chinese Herbal Clinic that afternoon and had a 15minute session to 'help' induce labour. As I lay on the bed and the Chinese lady felt my swollen belly, she looked at me with a surprised face & came out with "Ahhh BIG baby! He come tonight!".  "Yeah, ok, whatever" I thought {by now I was sick of thinking "ooooh will tonight be the night?", I think I had convinced myself this baby was never coming out Haaa. I didn't really enjoy the acupuncture, in fact it made me sweat up & feel a little weak. And after I left there.....I questioned the $60 I had shelled out for it & accepted that it was probably a waste of time & money.

I got on with my day; picked up Ella from kindy, grabbed an easy dinner from the grocery store and we went about our evening as normal. I bathed Ella, brushed her hair, kissed her face & together we snuggled on the couch.....her watching cartoons, me; blog reading on my laptop & Chris in the next room doing some work on the computer. I felt content.....I was already showered & in my pj's, the house was still & fairly quiet.....I was even considering an early night into bed. 

I was sitting on my right side, curled up, leaning into my laptop. I was scrolling through old blog posts from one of my favourite bloggers, Kelle. I clicked on a link that took me to her gorgeous post about her 1st daughter's 2nd birthday. As I read her words....I looked at my girl sitting next to me. My almost 4 year old....all big & gorgeous & dressed in pink! I remember patting her head, looking up at the clock and saying "It's 10 past 7 Ella, time for bed!"  "Can I just stay up a bit longer Mummy? I want to see the end of this show?" she responded. I didn't talk back....I just looked back at my laptop & continued reading....and then POP! I knew that feeling! The exact same little "pop" feeling & echoing sound I had down low when my waters broke with Ella. I stood up & felt the trickle! OMG.....it's happening! It's finally happening!!! Damn....that Chinese lady knew her stuff :) I waddle pass Chris on the computer......"Babe, my waters just broke!"

We call my Mum straight away. She had been excitedly waiting for this call for weeks :) In fact, Chris dialled her number, then must have panicked with the upcoming event, so handed me the phone {whilst sitting on the toilet dealing with post-water-breakage} to talk to my Mum. I tell her my waters had broken & we probably had a couple of hours up our sleeve {keeping in mind that Ella's labour was 6 hours long}, but to come & get Ella soon as it's her bedtime. I then ring the hospital & tell them. "Ok Love, take your time, but come on in, so we can check you out" said the Midwife calmly. And as I hang up, the contractions hit me with full force. {and we're only 10mins into labour here!!!!}. Every 2-3 minutes, I'm struck with breathtaking pain. The memories of giving birth all come flooding back to me now! "Oh shit....here we go again" I worry! I start getting changed, and telling Chris what to throw in the car. I throw in the last few things that Ella will need for her sleepover at Grandma & Grampy's...all the while in crippling pain. I tell Ella she's going to Grandma's for a sleepover. "Yay!!!" she screams! "Does that mean Baby Ryder is coming tonight?" she jumps up & down on the couch with excitement. 

It hadn't even been half an hour since my waters had broken, and I was already in a blur of extreme pain.....curled up on the couch wondering why it was so intense already! Mum & Dad arrive at about 7:35pm {25mins from when labour started}. I was already in the full blown final phase of labour. I couldn't talk.....I couldn't stand up straight....I couldn't think!

Chris's Subaru was low on fuel, so we take my little Corolla. The journey to the hospital was a blur. {But I do remember trying to focus on the flash of the street lights along the highway as a distraction from the pain, and I do remember Chris getting the cranks at my car haha....."we should've brought my car.....this one is too slow!" he cursed as he crunched gears & whizzed through traffic}. I couldn't even sit in the car....I had to perch myself up on my hands with a big tilt to the right. Little did I know that that was due to a crowning baby's head already!!!

By about 7:55pm, we pull into the hospital loading zone and I waddle off as Chris gets the bags from the car. I don't fully remember the walk down the dreary hospital halls. All I remember is the pressure & pain down low & how hard it was to just put one foot in front of the other. I had to stop & lean on the walls a couple of times. As we enter the birthing suite, I can't talk.....I'm struggling to stand! They take us through & I curl up onto the bed. The midwife {Amanda} is calm & gentle {and probably thinking "oh, here we go....drama queen here....labour only just started & she's already crippling! lol" ....Until she hears my breathing! "Do you already feel the need to push?" she asks hesitantly. "YES....I think so!!!" I cry!

So, she examines! "Oh my!" she responds. "Yes Darling, you need to push with the next contraction....you're 10cm & Bub's already on his way out!!!" She then starts rushing around, grabbing everything needed. She calls out loud to any other nearby nurses; "Can I get some assistance here please! Glove up! Glove Up! Now!"

I look at Chris...he's pale...it's all happening so quick!

My contractions are intense & so frequent that I barely get a chance to take any of it in. Giving birth is this surreal experience....bittersweet really. Sweet that you're partaking in the miracle of life, yet bitter that you feel like you're literally dying in pain! Then, with 2 or 3 contractions of extreme pain & surreal pushing, my baby boy's big 9pound 8 ounces body slips from me & into the waiting arms of the nurses & his Daddy. They put his perfect pink body onto me & I try to allow my brain to catch up with what just happened & how fast it all occurred! It was now 8:25pm & our baby was out into the big wide world. If we had left it any longer {and I'm talking minutes}.....a roadside birth would've occurred for sure ;o)

I hear his cry & relax with sheer relief & happiness. "You're here! You're finally here my boy" I keep saying to him as I cuddle him, kiss him & hold him close. Chris cut his cord & I smile at how much in love this Daddy & Son combo already were! 

I love the way his warm, perfect body feels against my naked chest.

Ryder attached so easily & fed so instinctively. For the first time in my life, even as a second time Mumma, breastfeeding felt natural & blissful.

We started calling family & friends and proudly announced his arrival. I felt FULL. Full of life. Full of Love! 

However, I think all 3 of us were in some mild shock. It truly happened so fast. And it took a few moments to wake up from the blur & realise that it had in fact happened :)

I then had to deliver the placenta. And this experience felt foreign to me. I don't know why.....but I do not remember delivering the placenta with Ella. How I forgot about it though is a mystery.....as it was basically birth all over again. I had contractions. I had to push. It was painful! I asked to see the placenta afterwards & it was amazing! Gross but amazing! Amazing that my body created that. And it was that big organ that kept my boy safe & healthy & thriving for 9 months. Through everything over the past 40weeks, he was in there....safe & comfortable & protected! That's cool!

A female Doctor then came in to examine Ryder & I. I had to have stitches. With the birth being so quick, I definitely had no time to get any pain relief so I took this opportunity to have a few puffs of gas while she stitched me & I also had some Panadol. 

I expected Ryder to be 'on the big' side, as Ella was over 8pounds...AND I was overdue....AND with a 30kg weight gain, I knew there was a good chance he wasn't going to be small. But c'mon 9pound 8 {4.3kg}....YIKES!!! He was 52cm in length. A gorgeous, chubby boy! And he was ours :) All ours :)

And, his name? On the 30th of December 2006, Chris & I were out for dinner at Hog's Breath Cafe and we had the 'let's start trying for babies' talk. On the back of a paper drink coaster, we wrote down two names; Ella & Ryder. 5 years on.....I still have that coaster in my purse......and we now have an Ella....and a Ryder :) And, his middle name Nicholas; we also chose this many years ago; in memory of our dear friend Nicholas {Nick} Wright who was tragically taken well before his time! 

We stayed in the birthing suite until around midnight, when we were taken to our ward. Chris left around 1:30am & I stayed awake the rest of the night with our {hungry} little man :)

Chris returned in the morning, and we decided I didn't need to stay in hospital for any more nights, so started the process of getting discharged that evening.

My parents brought Ella up at 11am. This was something I was sooooo looking forward to. My 2 little Loves meeting for the 1st time. And as my girl walked into the room.....in her BIG SIS shirt carrying my favourite type of flowers and beaming with the BIGGEST smile....my heart melted! 

And then they met.....

Brother & Sister! Body to Body! Eye to Eye! For the first time!! LOVE!!!

I had to pinch myself! What did I ever do to be so blessed? Two children who were made out of love....and are so so loved! This was one of those times.....when happiness hurts deep.

My family = my everything!

The day rolled on beautifully. Friends & Family came to meet our newest little member & shower us with love. I felt good....We felt good.

And at 5:30pm, not even 24hours after his birth, we headed home. The first night at home was just Chris, Ryder & I, as Ella was still at my parents. And that next morning, we waited excitedly for our big girl to come home so we could dig our feet into this 'family of 4' gig :) 

The past 3 weeks have gone way too quickly. But fairly smoothly. Life as I knew it has changed, which is good. Change was something we were ready for.....and something we are embracing with open arms. Our family unit has become stronger. Chris & I have fallen in love all over again.....and I never want to leave this blissful bubble we've been living in. 

Ryder is thriving & growing! Our booming boy is out of newborn clothes & nappies already :) He's a cuddly boy....he's most content when being carried, cuddled & nursed. He's a bit of night owl :) He responds to his Daddy's voice with recognition & love and he's already fascinated by his big sister. I always wondered how it was possible to love another child when you were already so in love with your first born. But there's no wonder anymore....I have this space in my heart for this new little life....and it's just as big & just as real as the love I've felt for my girl for the past 4 years! 

{and it's moments like this.....when my big girl is crafting and my little man is watching on.....that make me smile}

Join me on my journey as I journal my way through life as a Mummy of 2 through my words & photos. It's going to be a big, wild ride, so buckle up :) 

I also post daily photos on my Instagram account, my username is clairechadwick, find me, say hi & follow my feed :)

Maternity Photo Shoot

A couple of week's ago, I had a Maternity Photo Shoot with the lovely talented Carly Webber {who also did Ella's photos in February this year}. We had lots of fun playing with some ideas & props....and of course got Miss Ella involved too :)

I was really happy with the final products.....Carly has such a magical eye for capturing the pure essence of people & their situations :) 

Here's some of the indoor ones we took:

You can see Carly's blog post about the shoot over HERE on her photo blog!

Check out her website here!

{oh yeah....the belly band in the last image is from Little Sweet Pea Creations. }

Thank you Carly! Again, you have done such a beautiful job of capturing the magical moments of my life! I can't wait to frame one {or 2....or more} of these to look back on for many years :) And I am already excited about our photo shoot with Carly in the first couple of week's of Baby's life....where she will be photographing Bub, Chris, Ella & I :)

Pirates & Pools. {week-a-boo}

A few weeks ago, sitting in Ella's note pouch at daycare was a party invitation :) I showed her when she got home that afternoon & she was VERY excited.....hey the girl loves a good party!! And I guess it was kind of exciting for me too....because this was the 1st time she had been invited to a party from a friend she had made all on her own! At 3, she already has a handful of amazing little friends.....friends we met through Mothers Group, friends we've made through dancing, kids of friends that I've made through work or blogging or general day-to-day life. But 'Thomas' from Senior Kindy was a friend that Ella had made on her own....over time.....and he wanted her at his party! And the fact that it was a PIRATE PARTY made Ella smile too :) 

So, on Saturday morning {as we woke to un-Spring weather of black skies & a massive storm} Ella got her 'pirate' on & off we went to celebrate a little friend's 4th Birthday :)

Ella {like always} had a BLAST!!! She was her usual slightly hesitant/shy self to start with as she scoured the room for familiar faces & friends......but within a few minutes & a quick reassurance from Mummy....she was off!!! Treasure hunts, party games, junk food, prizes, presents, cake, laughs, dancing & play.....she was one very content little girl with the morning's antics!

We then rushed off to dancing! We had already missed her weekly tap class & 15mins of jazz....but we got there in enough time for her to practice her concert dance 'Shake Your Groove Thing' a few times :)

The weather cleared up, power in our street was restored.....so we spent the afternoon just chilling at home playing cards & reading books & making pirate maps! At 5pm Ella & I headed down to Pimpama to browse the Twilight Markets where 'Aunty Mon' was hosting a stall with her lovely creations. We spent an hour or 2 hanging with her, Tiffany, Jackie & Baby London....and laughing over a very funny & very gross dog poo situation :)

I have no photos of that evening {shock} but from there we met Chris at the local tavern for dinner! Just as we had eaten & were considering dessert.....an almighty MAMMOTH storm hit again! It was HUGE!!!! And Chris & I sat there in shock staring out the restaurant windows watching our 2 brand new cars getting bombed with pelting rain, gale forced winds & HAIL :((((( Once it calmed slightly......we made a hilarious, adrenalin-pumping dash across the car-park, into the cars & straight home to the safety of the garage :) 

Sunday started early {in true Ella style} and by 7am we already had the craft box out & we were busy at work; gluing & painting & creating :) 

We then hit the local pool for some sunshine, swimming & fun with Daddy :) {oooh how I loved the weightless feeling of floating in the water...BLISS......with an almost 30kg weight gain now & almost 38weeks pregnant.....I feel HEAVY all day everyday lately!}

The 3 of us, then headed down to the Apple Store to change our phones over & for Chris to stock up on some goodies! We browsed a few shops, bought some more baby things....yay....I love buying tiny things for our soon-to-be-here little man :) We enjoyed a sushi lunch, a play on the playground, a coffee at a cute little European Cafe and Ella bought these chocolates for her number one man; Chris:

So SWEET :)

With an afternoon of more crafting, some beading & lots of inside play....we wound down to a slow-cooker meal & the 'fun' of the bedtime chaos that has now begun {I think Ella is sensing the change that is about to happen in our family & she's seeping as much attention from us at bedtime as possible while it lasts!! I'll just ride it though.....and see how it goes!}

I normally feel really refreshed after a weekend like that! A weekend of family time, friend time, parties, love & smiles! But to be honest.....I'm not feeling refreshed at all at the moment.....as much as I love being pregnant & am so so grateful.....I'm now over-it & ready to have this baby OUT, in my arms! My body is big & swollen & sore! I want to meet our little baby now & start the next chapter as a family of 4! Only a couple of weeks to go....hopefully less :) I'll keep you posted :)

What did you get up to on the weekEND? If you blogged about it.....add your post link in the comments section so I can pop over & read up on your adventures too!

Have a great Monday everyone!