Night Feeds.

Ryder - 4 months old now.

I have a love/hate relationship with nighttime feeds & my kids waking {a lot} each night.

I hate the broken sleep - sleep deprivation is a killer. I hate the exhaustion that comes with new babies & having to feed them several times a night. I hate hearing about other people's baby's sleeping through the night at a few weeks old, and we're going on 4 years of broken sleep waiting for 'sleep throughs'. I hate not knowing what each night will bring - I like structure & plans :) I hate waking in the morning & feeling so hung over {even though I didn't touch a drop of alcohol the night before!}.

BUT..... I really love being the one who can settle & calm my hungry, awake children. I love having that one-on-one time....just me & him {or her sometimes...even at 4yrs old}. I love the peace of the house as I feed & cuddle my baby boy during the wee hours of the night, as the rest of the family sleeps. I love his limp, relaxed body...still half asleep, as he snuggles into my neck & snores - so dependant, so perfect. I love being there for my kids, no matter how tired or frustrated I am - I want them to know that if they call, I'll come-a running :) I love knowing that it won't last forever, so to embrace it {even the icky, hazy, exhausting bits} while we're at this stage, and while it lasts. I love being sandwiched between snoozing babies & their Daddy, hearing their breaths, examining their perfection, seeping in their every ounce of life, taking it all in....loving them.

Sleep is so last season wall print avaible here.

Sleep Deprivation. Sink or Float?

I felt a bit like this Lego this morning.....broken, crumpled, a limp mess on the floor :)

Why? Because....

Last night looked something like this:...... Somewhere between Ryder's two usual nightly feeds {usually around 1am & 4am}, he decided he wanted an extra random feed around 11pm {growth spurt maybe?} as well as a couple of dummy re-plugs {or re-pipes as Chris & I call them}. Ryder is only 10 weeks old so night feeds & night wakings is to be expected I know. However, earlier in the evening; Ella took forever to get to sleep at her usual bedtime of 7:15pm, which I found quite draining at the end of a long day. She then woke at around 10pm wanting me to tuck her back in & cuddle her back to sleep, then again at midnight; but crying with sore legs {growing pains maybe?} and insisting on an ice-pack {so Mummy was up again & getting sippy cups of water & injury icepacks and cuddling an upset 3 yr old...sshhing her back to a deep lull}.

I lost count of how many times I was awoken & up, out of bed. But the night felt long & interrupted & when Ella decided to greet the day with full speed at 5:34am this morning, I was not a happy chappy!

And really....last night was not the worst I've experienced. In fact, it was nothing compared to some! Hey, there were nights only 8 weeks ago when Ryder was teeny-tiny newborn that I was getting literally NO sleep each & every night.

And....although Ella is almost 4, we can count on 2 hands the amount of times she has gone to bed & not awoken us until a reasonable hour the next morning.......let's be honest....she's not a good sleeper, never has been and I doubt at this rate, she ever will be. And some nights, I'm ok with it. I'm used to it....I've accepted it....I even embrace it sometimes, as she snuggles into our bed all warm & cuddly, and I breathe in every ounce of her while she's still so little & dependent.

But today....today I was tired.

I was not myself. I was irritable & frustrated. I was impatient & annoyed. Basically, I had my cranky pants on bigtime! Sleep Deprivation, although a major part of parenting, is hard.....really hard. I will toot my own horn here a little in saying that I think I've dealt with severe sleep deprivation pretty well over the past 4 years. I've faced up after shocking nights of little sleep & still managed to go to work, cook, clean, play, smile, create, be a mum, be a wife.....oh yeah, this Mumma can rally when needed. But then there's days {like today} where all I want to do is, shut myself in a dark, quiet room and sleep! SLEEP ALL DAY!!!

But.....as most parents would know....that's not possible. So I attempted to rally.....

I succumbed to some morning Lego play with my little lady:

And, just like the scattered, messy Lego.....I pulled myself together & formed into something stronger & more structured! I faced up.

I went through the motions of feeding kids, cleaning up messes, changing nappies, showering, dressing etc. And hit the grocery store to re-store our empty pantry. On return, I again fed kids, cleaned up messes, changed nappies & fell back into my sleep-deprived-cranky-Mummy-mode. {NOT GOOD!}. I attempted a quick nanny nap in bed with Chris, while Ryder snoozed in his bassinet & Ella & Jayden played happily in the lounge room. But, Ryder awoke after a poor effort of a 20minute sleep :)

I was about to crack it!!!! BUT.....2 words went through my mind...... SINK or FLOAT. Sink or float? Two words my friend Kim said when she had her 2nd child & was experiencing those tough early days. Those 2 words have stuck with me ever since she said them....and I ask myself them regularly when faced with a prickly parenting moment. Sink or Float? I thought!

Bugger it.....I'm not sinking with this tired old shabby ship! Float baby float!!!!!

So, we baked:

Above: that moment made me smile. a moment I was grateful I decided to float.

We jumped on the trampoline, fixed the broken fence outside, played, flew remote helicopters, finally got around to uploading old photos, vacuumed, danced to "Party Rock Anthem" for the 9 millionth time this week & played hide & seek.

I enjoyed yet another coffee {oh, thank sweet caffeine...where would I be without you?!} and loved not having to cook when Chris offered to get us all sushi for dinner :)

It's 9pm now, I still feel tired.....so so tired. Still irritated & on edge. And I'm about to head off to bed. Who knows how much sleep we'll get tonight, and really it doesn't matter......because no matter how much I whine or complain about being tired.....it's not going to fix anything. I'm a Mum....and that means missing out on things...and making sacrifices. And sleep is something I've accepted is what I will loose a lot of for many years.It's all part of the deal I guess! Take the bad with the good and run!

But then I see the reasons why I don't get long restful nights of unbrokend sleep & I am happy:

These 2 balls of energy are worth all of the lost sleep in the world. I'll take no sleep, if it means having them in my life!

I planned to use tonight to get some preparations done for Ella's upcoming 4th birthday party and to upload a free printable print I have made for YOU all. But.....I'm changing my plan....I'm going to bed. All that can wait til tomorrow when my head is clearer & after I've hopefully had a bit more sleep :)

Tomorrow is a new day! A fresh start....a new outlook....another chance to:

SINK OR FLOAT??

Goodnight All....sweet dreams :)