Wrapping up 2011. Reflection.

Tomorrow will be the last day of 2011. This time each year, I can't help but be nostalgic & reflective & look back at what was, what is, and look forward to what may be! {And the reflective mood is set perfectly right now....as I sit here on the couch with Chris, candles burning, and he's pumping out tunes on our lounge room speakers, with photos from 2003 streaming from my laptop to the Apple TV....gosh we look young back then.....anyways....back to the post at hand.....}

Today, I wrote on my Facebook status that I was a little sad to see the back-end of 2011 as it has been such an amazing year & I don't really want it to end! But....like everything in life {the good & the bad} it must come to an end......time to close some doors & open new ones. Complete some chapters, and start writing new ones. Cherish old memories but strive in making new ones.

However, on this day, I'm feeling grateful. I'm feeling thankful. I'm feeling happy. I'm feeling love. And I'm looking forward! Looking up!

Cheers to that!

2011 truly has been fabulous! So much has happened & I'm glad I have this blog that journals & captures a lot of what this year contained to look back on one day!

Of course, it hasn't all been sunshine & rainbows. Like everyone, we have our share of hard times, scary moments, down days, stress, worries and frustrations. But for the most, and here on this blog, I like to focus on the positive, the good, the love. And 2011 was filled with lots of LOVE!

The year kicked off with a bang....some much needed family time away, a weekend in luxury, our little girl turned three {rainbow style} and my business turned one.

In February, after a pregnancy loss in 2010, we fell pregnant again! I was riddled with morning sickness for 4 months & struggled bigtime! But.....came out the other side, stronger & more motivated than ever!

Pregnancy photo shoot with Carly Webber.

As the morning sickness started to clear and I started to get some 'there's light at the end of the tunnel' feelings again, Chris & I were discussing 'bucket lists' over dinner one night, we decided I'd tick a few off of mine & embark on my dream overseas holiday this year! It was so unplanned, so impulsive, so scary.....but so amazing! Within 3 weeks of birthing this idea, the trip was booked & paid for.....we were going!!! Nothing was going to stop me.....not fear.....or even a car crash! And no, it wasn't how I imagined my first USA trip would be.....I was heavily pregnant & traveling solo with a 3yr old, but it was still perfect. I'm a big believer that things pan out just the way they're meant to....so I decided to take this chance, grab it with both hands & embrace it for everything it was worth! Ella & I lived it up bigtime as we ventured hand in hand through 10 flights & 4 countries. We did Los Angeles, New York, Canada, Kansas & LA Hollywood! I learnt a lot about myself during this trip. I also learnt that I still hate flying, but I have a new desire to travel more; despite that hate & fear! More importantly, I learnt that I'm stronger & braver & a whole lot more independent than I give myself credit for.

{Don't forget to stop sometimes & smell the roses!}

And although, family is my everything.....friends are so special too! Friends are my family too! And time with friends makes me happy! An impulsive getaway with girlfriends made my heart full in 2011 and seeing my girl treasure friendships too makes me happier than words can express. 2011 taught me & reminded me how important friends are! This year, some of my friendships sizzled out & didn't stand up to the smallest of obstacles, wheras most, like a fine wine, only got better over the duration of the year :)

Tiffany, Me, Jackie & Mon at my Baby Shower. Sept 2011.

Jet & Ella. Photo from this post.

Ella started dancing lessons in February this year. I always hoped that one day I'd have a daughter.....and a daughter who loved to dance was just a bonus :) Watching her confidence & independence grow as a result of her weekly dance classes with Miss Parker was so soul-warming for me as a Mother to observe. And watching her on stage this December in her first ever concert....oh.my.goodness.....BLISS! A heavenly Mummy-Moment! The world could've ended at that moment.....my girl dancing & twirling & shyly smiling on the stage whilst a VERY proud Mummy, Daddy & Baby Brother watched from the audience pews, and I would've died a very happy woman :)

However, the highlight of the year, hands down; no doubt about it...... our baby boy arrived on November 3rd! Ryder Nicholas's large 9pound 8oz body slipped from me & into the big wide world! He made me wait for him {a week overdue!} but once he decided to come, oh boy....he came! A one hour labour from start to finish had Chris, Ryder & I all in a minor traumatic-shock for a short while afterwards :)

Ella made me a Mumma in 2008! And this boy made me feel more complete than I could ever imagine in 2011!

And, although, being a Mother of Two is so much more exhausting & soul-wrenching than I prepared myself for...it's also so much more magical & fulfilling than I ever imagined! Life is good! I have 2 amazing children & for that I'm thankful!

2012 is just around the corner....a little over 24hrs away in fact.

I can not believe 2011 is over! I swear the years go faster & faster the older we get! And although 2011 was so fabulous & I have my hesitations that 2012 could be any better......I feel challenged & motivated to MAKE SURE it is bigger & better & full of even more amazing moments! 2012 is coming....are you ready to rock it out with me?

Yes, there will be hard days I'm sure, but I hope that mine & Chris's love, commitment, hard work & optimism continue to bring us joy & good times!

Life is full of good & bad experiences. We can choose to let the bad control us or we can CHOOSE to learn from it, reflect on it & move on! Cheers to moving on I say!

What will 2012 bring us?? Buckle up.....let's see.......

Happy New Year everyone! Thank you for reading my blog & sharing my family's journey with me! I hope to see you all here in the new year!

On Being A Mother of Two.

Ryder is 6 weeks old today! So, for 6 weeks, I've been a Mother of Two!

{Ella & Ryder ~ December 2011}

Two gorgeous Souls, Two little miracles, Two amazing little creatures who are so dependent on me as their Mumma! That means I've had to share my time, share my love, share my heart & basically share "myself"...all of myself!

I won't lie.....it's been a learning journey with some fails & some successes.....and at times it's been a little hard....but it's also been the most amazing 6 weeks of my life! 

I am blessed with TWO healthy, thriving, beautiful children and for that I'm grateful. I hope I never take that for granted!

And maybe it's because it's the Christmas Season....and everything is so much more sparkly & joyful this time of year.....but I truly LOVE being a Mumma of 2 and all of the trials, tribulations and triumphs it's bringing to our family!

The first week of coming home with Ryder was the most testing. I was trying to find my groove as a new Mumma again. I was adjusting to the severe sleep deprivation again. And I was battling major feelings of guilt towards my little lady; Ella. She in no way was doing anything that triggered my guilts....in fact....she was quite perfect :) She was loving her baby brother, respecting the changes that were happening & adjusting well to another little life who got Mummy's attention during all of the night & most of the day. But it was a little battle I was having within myself! I had gone from giving every ounce of my being, my time, my love, my ideas to Ella. We had an exclusive relationship...just her, Chris & I. Our days were filled with craft & baking & adventures & shopping & movies & day trips out. We traveled the world together. We welcomed her into our bed every night. And we were always at her beckon call no matter what! She was the centre of our attention....the number 1 in this house! But now....that had changed!! We had another little child, who I loved as equally as my first. And to be honest, I felt guilty about the changes Ella was going through! I spoke to a few of my other Mummy friends...and they assured me this was 'normal' & they too had felt these emotions when bringing home their 2nd babies :) And over the past 6 weeks, I've {well...I think I have} started to master the balancing act of having 2 children without beating myself up with guilt about who is getting more attention than the other at each moment! I love them both as much as each other & do everything in power to make them both feel loved, attend to & equally valued! {this mother gig is hard work I tell you lol}. And overall.....it's been a pretty smooth 6 weeks. 

Since having Ryder, Ella seems so big! I look at her....and have to pinch myself that she too was that teeny tiny, not so long ago. I get sad about how fast time flies....and how fast kids grow up! I keep telling her to stop growing & stay 3 forever :) She giggles & says "I can't help it Mummy....I just keep growing....and soon I'll be FOUR!!" 

And then sometimes, I have to take a step back & question my expectations of her....because she is only 3! And although that seems so big.....it's also so small. She's still 'my baby'. 

Ella is so proud of her new baby brother. When we're out, or I drop her at Kindy, or we're at Ballet, she pats him & kisses him and declares to anyone who glances her way "That's my baby brother Ryder!". Or she'll grab someone's hand & tell them "Come & look at my baby brother!!" She loves him!!! Everytime I bath him, she wants to get in with him & 'play'. She helps settle him when he's tired or hungry. She's been great! And although she's starting to push the buttons of behaviour {like most nearly 4 year old girls I'm sure} and see how far she can go in testing her boundaries, she has adjusted well to our new life as a bigger family! I can't wait to see her & Ryder play & interact more as he gets older :) Even now, seeing them look into each other's eyes, or the way she kisses him.....my heart melts & I feel very complete. 

{I love this girl}

{And I love this boy}

I am one lucky Mumma!

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Onto other things....... Ryder is now 5.8kg & 58cm long! Yep....my BIG BOUNCING BOY is in 00 clothes {for up to 6 month olds} and has settled a lot more with his sleeping {as we got pretty much NO sleep in those first 2 weeks}. He feeds twice a night now....usually around midnight & 3:30am. I'm then up at 5:30/6am with Ella {my little night owl} and the day begins all over again :) Am I tired? YES!! Would I change any of it? NO!!! 

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There's 10 days until Christmas....yahooooo!!!!!! Our presents are wrapped & awaiting under the Christmas Tree! Jayden arrives next week & is staying for a month, which we are all SUPER EXCITED about!! Ella can't wait to have her big brother here. Have I mentioned that I love this time of year? LOL!!!

AND.....Ella has her first ever Ballet concert this weekend, and to say I'm excited....is an understatement :) 

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This is my Christmas Photo for 2011 that I placed in our Xmas Cards:

I love photographing my kids! And although natural, candid shots are usually the most memorable....these posed ones are also so much fun! Coz they are real smiles there...and nothing beats that!

Happy Thursday All!

P.S. You can read Ryder's birth story here!

Dear Miss Ella.

Dear Ella, 

One day I dream of you reading all these 'blog posts' that Mummy writes. I sit here typing & journaling the 'doings' of our life as a family because not only do I love the process of reflecting, appreciating, analysing & acknowledging but also so one day you will have a photo diary of what life was like 'when you were a kid'. I want you to be able to look back at all the photos & words; and remember the adventures we went on, the upbringing you had & the blessings in your life! So, today.....I thought I'd write JUST TO YOU! 

You are 3 years old + 8 months. Wow, you will be a big 4 year old in just a few months!! Time has gone so fast these past few years. I love you Miss Ella. You are so proud that you are nearly 4....you think that's pretty cool. You hold up 4 little fingers when people ask how old you will be at your next birthday & I love the way your little fingers curl over & the concentration you have to bear to keep those 4 little fingers in position :) Several months ago, you asked if you can have a 'farm party' for your 4th Birthday.....so a farm party we will have :) You want the whole 'kit & caboodle'.....coz you love a good party {just like your Mumma!}. You asked Daddy if we can have real farm animals at your party. "Of course" he replied. Someone commented "Wow, they are probably quite expensive!" Daddy's reply: "Yeah, but she's going to 4! That's huge! You only turn 4 once so farm animals we will get!" He loves you Miss Ella......he does anything & everything for you, no matter what! Just the other day, you asked me why Daddy works more than I do, you wanted to know why I take you to ballet on Tuesday afternoons & Daddy doesn't. I explained that Daddy works....hard! And that he works so that we {you} have everything you need. You got it :) You smiled :)

Some people say it's dangerous to 'be friends' with your children.....but Miss Ella.....you really are one of my best friends! At 3 years old, you get me.....you know what makes me tick, what makes me smile....and that's a real friendship! We have fun together! We go everywhere together! Hey, we took on the world together last month when we went on 10 planes to travel around USA & Canada :) You are my buddy & I love every moment with you!

Parenting is a funny thing....it's all trial & error I guess! To be honest, In some ways you've made being a mummy quite hard for me......coz I too am learning.....but at the same time you are so, SO easy! You're a good girl Ella... & Daddy and I are so lucky to have YOU! We managed to get through 'the terrible two's' unscathed. You're not much of a tantrum thrower {except for last week......hmmmm.....the performance you put on when we were in Jet's car....not good! hehehe!} As long as I explain everything to you and give you real reason, you're fairly easy to compromise with. You're mature for your age Miss Ella.....for an almost 4 year old.....YOU ROCK :) 

As a sleeper.....you don't rate highly :) You definitely didn't get 'Mummy's Love Of Sleep' genes. But that's ok My Dear......coz you are good at LOTS of things.....you clever little chicken.....and I think I secretly like the midnight cuddles & early mornings that belong just to you & I. 

You're so smart! You blow my mind with what you can do! You have always been one to hit milestones early....walking at 10months, having conversations with full sentences at 20months & out of nappies at 26months, but it's the way your brain works that amazes me! You love puzzles.....and your ability to memorize every puzzle piece & it's position within minutes of doing it for the 1st time fascinates me. In fact it fascinates everyone. Pa videotaped you doing a puzzle one day because he could not believe you were only 3! Your daycare teachers, grandparents, Dr Rayner & other adults that know you, throw words around like "gifted" and "talented" and maybe one day when you're at school we'll confirm these! Or maybe we won't....and that's ok! But all we know is that YOU ARE AMAZING little girl & we are proud of you no matter what you can or can't do, what you can or can't say & what you want to be when you're all grown up :)

You're going to be a big sister soon! Wow....that's a special job! Mummy always wanted to be a big sister.....but I am the youngest in my family so never got to hold that special position! Soon they'll be a little baby boy in our family and he is going to look up to his amazing, spirited & loving big sister! He will copy you & want to play with you & learn from you! I think you're going to be a pretty cool big sister Ella! 

And I am savouring every last minute of our one-on-one time before he arrives. Life will change soon.....for the good I'm sure! And I am embracing for everything that that change may bring! And I'm hoping that you'll just take it in your stride.....like everything you do :) But remember that we always love you and us having another child in the family does not change the way we cherish you! You made me into a Mumma.....noone else.....just you! Your birth day...was the day that I was also born....as a Mother! And that's special.

 Oh, Miss Ella, your spark & energy & soul inspires me daily! You love life & you live it big!

Thank you for being you!! 

I love you!! Love from Mummy!

A daughter is the happy memories of the past, the joyful moments of the present, and the hope and promise of the future.  ~Author Unknown~

Fear.

{image from weheartit}

When I reflect back on my life, I can count a few moments of time, where I have stopped & had an almost 'out of body' experience where I thought; "Wow, everything right now in this moment is perfect!". Moments when nothing mattered, yet everything mattered. When the definition of CONTENT was perfectly in sync throughout me!One of those moments was my wedding night..... as Chris & I danced so happily & freely in front of all the special people in our lives & vowed to them that we were Husband & Wife and we were a lifelong team! We drank & laughed & cried & danced & ate & loved! I remember thinking that everything was so beautifully perfect!! And if it was to be my last moment on Earth, my last day....I'd die happily....contently.....blissfully, knowing that nothing else at that moment mattered! I felt complete & at peace!

However since becoming a Mumma.....the thought of not seeing another day, scares the sh*t out of me {excuse my language....sorry Mum!}! But.....The thought of missing one moment of Ella's life terrifies me.....let alone, missing a whole lifetime of moments with her! 'Taking risks' & 'living on the edge' have a whole new meaning & responsibility now!

People throw around the phrases: 'appreciate each day', and 'make each day count' and 'life without fear' all the time. Hey, even I do! But sometimes it's not that simple......sometimes it takes a tragedy or an accident or an illness or becoming a Mumma or facing a fear before you can really understand & embrace those phrases!

We all have fears!!! Including me!!! Some are superficial......like snakes & lizards {ewww they creep me out}, but some are much bigger than that....like something happening to my child/ren or loved ones....or missing amazing moments with my kids.....or: FLYING!! Yep.....I hate flying! There I said it! I am so friggen scared of flying that it may have played a small {or big} part in why I haven't traveled much in my adult years! I havent' let it completely control me! I've flown! I've done weekends away interstate with friends or Chris or my Mum or even 1 by myself. I've been on interstate school trips as a teenager on planes & I holidayed overseas 15 years ago! BUT....the older I get, the wiser {or more informed} I get.....the worrier in me sometimes gets the better of me! And with our Dream Trip coming up in just a couple of weeks, I will be honest in saying that I am NOT looking forward to the many flights we will be embarking on! I know this fear has mainly developed & worsened since the tragic loss of our friend in 2002, when a plane crash in Manilla had plans to change MANY people's lives that day! But....when I took the plunge & booked this holiday a couple of months ago, I decided to push beyond my gravity-defying fear of flying and to not let it play anymore of a role in my LIFE!

Yeah, I'm scared......and I can't take anything to relax myself {being pregnant & traveling solo with a 3yr old}, but, I'm going to LEAVE MY FEAR BEHIND and become a better person from it! I'm facing up to it!!!

C'mon...back me up here.....What's your FEAR? And did you/do you plan to ever face it?? I'd love to know!!! Am I brave.....or crazy? lol. 

Easter....and My Big Girl.

I know Easter was last weekend, and thank you for bearing with me, whilst I am slow at the moment! Morning sickness is still lingering.....but I think {well....hope} that it maybe slowly creeping it's way out of my system! The last 2 days I've felt slightly (only slightly......but better than nothing) better!

It's Friday afternoon, I've been at work all day. For the last 3 months, I've come home from work & crashed on the couch with a spew bucket & some snacks :( But today.....I got home & wanted to (absolutely craved) uploading some Easter photos & blogging!!! YAY.....hopefully this is a sign of morning sickness LEAVING ME ALONE :) 

So.....How was your Easter?

Ours....perfecto! The 5 day weekend was BLISS! Oh my, how I wish every weekend could be 5 days long...if only! LOL! We had lazy days, busy days, choc-filled days, lunch with friends, lunch with family, early morning egg hunts & art n craft sessions :) It was nice! 

Mornings have still been my yuckiest time with the sickness.....so our little Miss has filled the time with lots of independent play & art n craft :)

{Finding goodies from the Easter Bunny early Sunday morning} {And Ella was super excited that the Easter Bunny had eaten the carrot she left him & taken her drawing!!}

{The first egg of the day!! YUMMY!}

The best thing about Easter is.... Chocolate for Breakfast :) 

I'm so proud of my little girl! My girl who somewhere over the last few months has gone from a 'toddler' to a 'kid'. A real 'kid'. She's now 3 & 3 months and I am LOVING this age! She's always been witty & smart.....but lately, she has me gobsmacked on a daily basis with her wisdom & spark! Her newest word which she uses in every sentence possible is: CERTAINLY. I smile everytime :) Me: What would you like for morning tea today Ella?" Ella: "Oh Mummy, I'd certainly most like a strawberry yoghurt, please. But certainly NOT a banana one, coz they're certainly gross" Haaa....the girl can justify with expression :)

She's had a growth spurt & her scrumptious chubby thighs & cheeks have slimmed down. I think it was this change to her little body that made me realise I have a kid! Not a baby or even a toddler.....but a KID! 

She's loving 'Peppa Pig' on her iPad at the moment.....I think we've watched every episode....several times now!

And her drawings.......they are starting to make sense! She's been drawing 'people' for a year or so now, but now they have bodies (not just legs stemming from their faces) and she draws whales & mice & pigs & flowers....that actually look like those things :) 

She insists on dressing herself each day. If it's not a dress or skirt, she doesn't want to know about it. She's more independent these days....and more stubborn.....so we often leave the house with her undies on back to front & inside out.....or 2 different leg warmers....because that's how she rolls....and no-one can tell her otherwise :) 

She's super excited about "HER BABY" that it's Mummy's tummy. She talks to my tummy & tells everyone that we're having a baby. I think she's going to make the perfect big sister!!!

It's funny how these changes in our children can stem so many emotions! I'm full of pride.....so much pride, that my girl is growing & learning & grasping the world around her & wanting to know more & taking it all in. But also sad.....sad that my baby is no more.....that she's a......KID!

As they say...time flies when you're having fun :) 

Oh Miss Ella....how I love thee! 

HAPPY WEEKENDING ALL!

P.S The 12 week Baby Scan was AMAZING! I will post pics of Bub & my massively growing belly next week! Until then, fingers crossed my sickness IS on the way out!!!

5 Things We Do On A Rainy Day.

It's Wednesday today....I'm usually at work on Wednesdays & Ella at Kindy. But....we're home today! She's still not 100%. She had Rotavirus. She's definitely on the mend.....but an annoying runny nose is still lingering and her asthmatic little chest is not sounding too good! We can't visit anyone due to her condition & I don't want to head out & about being our usual busy selves....at the risk of exhausting her {and me} even more! BUT.....it's raining! And...there's only so much TV/movies a 3 year old will sit through & only so many books & puzzles I can get through without going a little batty!

It's days like these when I have to put on my 'creative-Mumma' hat & find some more interesting ways to entertain the little Miss, buy the time.....and sustain my sanity :)

5 Things We Do On A Rainy Day:

1. Have a TEA PARTY! Ella dresses up in jewels & bling. We set the table pretty. We even use the good china. The sandwiches are cookie-cuttered. We invite her toys. We sometimes bake a sweet treat to enjoy. We sit like 2 little old ladies, enjoying the tea {apple juice} and food delights whilst chatting :) It's nice!

2. Play Super Hereos! We rescue injured animals. Climb huge mountains. We fly. We fight off pirates & 'naughty people' {in Ella's words}. We hide in caves from growling bears. Hey, we even battle crocodiles & sharks in the 'rushing river'. It's a tough life being SUPER GIRL!

I bought this cape online from Pip & Bean.....but a sheet/blankie/towel also does the job perfectly!

3. Who said rain meant staying inside all day? Go on a gumboot walk :) Umbrellas, boots, puddles, mud.....the kids will be heaven :)

4. Craft & Create! I know some parents are not keen at 'arting' & 'crafting' with their kids, but there are some simple things that you can do to keep the kids happy that don't involve paint or sewing.

5. Make a Cubby House! All you need is blankets, sheets, pillows.... and wahlah! Set up the portable DVD player in there for a move session....have afternoon tea inside.....hey, even have nap time in there! Cubby Houses can bring hours of fun!

{Above: Check out this cool one I found....image from here}

So, there you have it! 5 things to embark on when your house bound due to rain or illness! Do you have any more suggestions? I'm always on the hunt for new activities to engage in with Little Miss 3!

Have I told you that I'm doing the 31 Days To Build A Better Blog over at Aussie Mummy Bloggers?! We're on Day 2....and today's project was to write a LIST POST :) I'm loving it already....it's great to 'meet' other bloggers, chat on the forums, read Darren Rowse's ProBlogger Book & get feedback.