As Sunday rolled on and I became more and more exhausted, I scripted a blog post in my mind about how tired I am and how hard I'm finding the smallest of jobs lately. I was planning on writing the post later that night once the kids were in bed. I was going to be honest and open about how hard parenthood can be at times and how mentally drained I am at the moment.
But then I saw this segment on Sixty Minutes. And realised how whiney and ungrateful my post was going to sound. How pathetic my train-of-thoughts really were....in the big scheme of things, I really have NOTHING to complain about,.... when it comes to Motherhood.
Yeah, parenthood is hard sometimes. Yeah, I'm tired and mentally drained and a little sick of cooking meals to have them sprawled all over the floor and ending up in the bin. I'm quite over the lack of sleep. I'm finding '17months' mixed with 'boy' quite stressful. And yeah, I sometimes feel lonely in this motherhood journey and basically......just run down.
And then I see a true life story of a dying boy, and the torment his parents are going through. And I think of Rachel and her living nightmare. These parents would do ANYTHING to have sleepless, tiring, busy toddlers. ANYTHING!
It throws things into perspective doesn't it?
Yes, Ryder is keeping me on my toes and draining a lot of mental and emotional space out of me. He's a toddler! Toddlers are exhausting! And then on top of this, I get riddled with guilt about how much time and attention he requires right now, compared to Ella. Finding that balance and dismissing the guilt is what I'm finding hardest!
But I know it's a phase! And, like all phases, I know it won't stay like this forever.
And I need to realise it's just a lull - a crazy concoction of school holidays, toddlerhood, a recent diagnosis, an upcoming book launch and Chris being couch-bound with a severe leg infection. Things will change soon. I'm sure of it.
Yet more importantly....and where I need to shift my thinking back to.....is all the blessings I'm so grateful for. I have two amazing little Souls. Who I love more than life itself. Who I want to give the best possible upbringing to. They are healthy and alive and although, exhausting, they are both amazing balls of positive energy. And although this post started whiney, I will finish it with love. Because my kids are LOVE. And to be honest, I wouldn't change a thing about them. They are the epiphany of perfection - in my eyes. The happiness they bring me - far outweighs the stress and exhaustion.
And then Monday......as a new day greeted us and I made an effort to let things slow down, take shape and calm...... I find this:
YEP! A four leaf clover!
I took Ryder out front to play on the plastic slide. As he climbed slowly up the steps, I breathed in the fresh Autumn air. I looked down at the cold clover patch under my bare feet and pretty much saw it straight away. Four cloves of luck staring back at me :)
Couldn't have come at a better time! Seriously!
Yesterday - I could already feel a welcomed change in the air - in our home. Yes, Chris's leg is still bad and Ryder is still climbing, falling, throwing, running, sooking and challenging, and work still sits unattended awaiting my attention. BUT....a new perspective and sense of calm has crept in. I hope it sticks around for a while.
Happy Wednesday All.
Tell me.....do you have any four leaf clover stories to tell me? How do you Mothers of boys do it? Are you as excited about my upcoming book launch as me? Are parenting lulls normal? And.....how's your week rolling?