Waves.

I've often learned that the ups and downs of life come in waves. For some; the ups seem to rise more frequently - their life is abundant with perfect peaks, and for others the downs hang around longer, all wishy-washy and hard.

I don't nesseesscarily believe in luck, as I've seen bad things happen to good people. But with that said, every now and then; I do believe in some aspects of Karma. And I definitely believe in living well, staying positive and being kind. Always.

There's been times in my life, when things are going just a little too perfectly, and I await the arrival of the inevitable dumping wave. The wave that sucks you up, throws you around and heaves you down - leaving you feeling drained and wasted and almost lifeless. And because I know those types of waves are just apart of life - I try to accept them, attempt to embrace them and then with all my might - survive them.

Maybe we have to experience the bad.....simply so we appreciate the good?

During my 30 years of life, I've surfed beautiful, crystal formed waves. The type that peak and roll and glisten. Waves that make you feel on top of the world. They bring good materialist things; like holidays and new handbags and fancy meals out. Blessed things like new houses, family support and connected friendships. Miraculous things like pregnancies, marriages, love, healthy children and good health.

More good things have happened in my life than bad. And for that I'm grateful.

But of course, like everyone on this journey of life - I've experienced many dumping waves too. Bad relationships, unkind words and money troubles. Pregnancy losses, surgery and tragedies. Death, grief and loss. I've felt pain. I've questioned the world and the universe many times.

After the high of the weekend and the abundance it brought, I was catapulted back into reality yesterday at my post-surgery checkup. It's been a month since the operation and I was assuming yesterday's appointment would be a quick "everything went well, you feel good, you recovered great, you're all fixed - see you in 6 months for a Pap Smear" But it wasn't. The specialist delivered bad news. News that again - could've been worse.....but could've been better.

Seems that the disease had spread deeper and further than they had anticpated. Although, I'm still pre-cancerous, some abnormal cells still remain in my cervix. Cells that can't be left or ignored. Cells that will multiply and turn invasive overtime. So again, in 8 weeks, I face another procedure and more tests! Ugh!

A plan will be concocted once that procedure has been done and the pathology results are in, but from the specialists' persistent questions about fertility and our plans to grow our family - I'm dreading what the 'outcome' will be.

I never thought at 30, I'd face this. And to be honest, I'm exhausted from the mental drain of all of this.

I have to keep reminding myself though - it could be worse. Compared to some people's story - I ain't got nothing.

I am blessed. Life is beautiful:::::::: My mantra at the moment.

What waves are you riding at the moment? Hopefully the perfectly formed peaks of happiness and calm!!! If not, hang in there....they'll come!

My Bikie Gang

I planned to get to bed early last night and write. It didn't happen.

Once I got both kids into bed, the house tidied, Ella's lunch made for the next day & the kitchen cleaned it was already fairly late. I then went on a scrubbing mission with a brush and a bucket of bleach. I cleaned {with a lot of muscle let me tell you - it was a good workout} most of the tiles gaps/grout in the kitchen and near the laundry. I kind of hated knowing Chris was inside a plane somewhere over the ocean, many many miles from home. I felt so unsettled and was just hanging out for the "I landed safely" text which was still a good 10hours away!

Anyways, I scrubbed and scrubbed and then settled in with a cup of tea and good intentions to write. Another hour or so later {and several resettling sessions with Ryder} I got sidetracked reading blogs and websites and Facebook. At around 10:30pm, I realised no good writing was going to come from me and headed up to bed to watch trashy TV shows, like; Kendra, old Glee episodes and The Real Housewives. Ryder came into bed with me around midnight and I curled up with him, finally drifting off to sleep.

Chris's text arrived this morning. He was safe and well, and already off to meet business associates in California. I could breathe easier once that text landed in my message box!

Today could begin.

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Rewinding back to yesterday.....after school, I promised Ella and Ryder we'd go bikeriding.

So we did.

Winter is definitely on it's way. Although Ella insists she can't feel it - Ryder and I were both rugged up. However, the sun was still shining and the sky had a magnificent blueness to it.

A gorgeous evening to be out.

We only just got this bike for Ryder on the weekend. A friend was given it as a gift - however didn't need it as they already had one for their child. It was still new in the box....so $40 later...it was ours. Ryder loves it.

Another way to get out and about with my kidlets. And the local concrete reservoir is always a wonderful way to get some fresh air, burn off some energy as well as a great, flat place to ride bikes.

And explore.....

Check out this week's forehead bruise :( Another stack on concrete on Sunday. I'm thinking about keeping that helmet on him ALL THE TIME!!!Ryder had a huge meltdown when I said we were leaving - getting him into the car was no easy feat. But a quick stop at the local park for a bit of wallaby spotting and swinging, softened the blow!

A lovely afternoon really.

Happy Monday All.

First Jazz Exam. Tick.

I have very vague memories of my first dance exam. I remember my Mum carefully criss-crossing the satin ribbons of my ballet shoes up around my ankle. I remember the old hall with wooden floor boards and the grand aged piano in the corner. But I don't really remember the emotions or music or flow of the day. I was probably around 5 years old.

My Mum recently told me that she had to take a day off work to take me to my first ballet exam, and she required a Doctor's Certificate to do so. So, off to the Doc she went....faking a bug of some sort. Oh, the things we do as Mums!

Today, was Ella's first dance exam. She's danced on stage and understands the notion of performing and entertainment. But until today, she had never been exposed to the experience of being watched and judged and assessed.

Our little sunshine did well.

She has been excited for weeks. Constantly blaring the song in the car and in the lounge room....practicing, counting, listening.

Dancing - always dancing her little heart out.

It was a quick exam. Four little five year olds - in and out of the room within a 10minute time frame. But she came out beaming. She had a medal in her hand and a sense of pride in completing something new. Something big and significant.

I felt so full of love for how awesome she is. Our little bug is growing up.

I love her!

And to celebrate, before heading off to school for the day.....we had a quick McDonald's treat...

Over pancakes and hashbrowns and chocolate milk; we talked about the exam and how great she felt. She told me all about the examiner.....all whilst clenching her medal close.

On arrival at school, {an hour and a half into the school day} a group of her classmates ran up to her, embracing her wildly. "Where have you been Ella?" "We missed you!" And I smiled and felt forever grateful for the wonderful life she has. Surrounded by so many beautiful souls, egging her on in this journey of life.

Happy Friday All.

We have a park play date organised for this afternoon followed by a weekend full of fun.

Cheers to that!

Being a Mum.

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.  ~Washington Irving

Sunday, Mother's Day; a day to cherish the Motherly figures in our life.

Yesterday started like most Sundays - a groggy start after being up several times during the night, and the mundane routine of morning chores - the emptying of the dishwasher, clothes into the washing machine, breakfast for little hungry bellies & cleaning up messes.

But it was made so much more wonderful by the fact that it was Mother's Day. Chris's parents had stayed over our house Saturday night, and it was so lovely to discover Ella and her Nanny snuggled up together in Ella's sea of pink bed early Mother's Day morning. I was showered with beautiful gifts - handmade and bought, and a gorgeous card. Ella was so thrilled to present me with the goodies she'd busily made at school, and then kept hidden under her bed all weekend.

Here she was - the one who made me a Mother - buzzing with excitement over a day that was all about others - her Mumma and Grandmothers. She has a huge heart like that!

After a hot coffee and some baking with my girl, my parents arrived for a relaxing brunch feast.

We sipped on champagne punch and devoured platters of goodness, while chatting and laughing and watching our sweet little two, both busy at play.    

And when everyone left and the house was tidy, the kids and I bunkered down together in the king bed. Ella never has day sleeps anymore - she hasn't in years. But her restless night and rising temp started to take it's toll on her and a nap was needed. The three of us slept, coiled around each other for over an hour. As my eyes fell heavy, I looked over at these perfect two beings. Beings that their Daddy and I carried and birthed and are wholeheartedly raising, and I felt full of gratitude. Not a day goes by when I don't feel so very blessed to be a Mother. To be Ella and Ryder's Mother! Lucky I know.

The afternoon rolled on with a looooong trip to the Doc's to get Ella's deteriating symptoms checked out followed by a home cooked dinner by Chris.

Medicine was administered, The Voice was watched, symptoms pepped up and life moved on.

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To all the women in my life - whether Mothers or not - thank you for inspiring me to be a better version of 'Me' everyday, and more importantly; a better mother to my two chrubs everyday.

I am blessed with a Mother and a Mother-in-law who bring me so much insight, warmth, meaning and love. These two women love me, guide me and are always there for me. Both; my children love so so much. And they love them back with all of their Grandmotherly perfection.

Lucky, and don't I know it?!

Hoping all of you had a love-filled Sunday.

And I also have to say......A big cheers and glass clink to all of the mothers-to-be, mothers who have passed and women who are yearning so much to be looked at by little innocent eyes and called "Mum". Mwah....much love to you all.

Healing.

I had my surgery last Friday. It went well. Really well actually.

My Mum looked after the kids so Chris could be with me throughout the day. Although I'm usually the one to 'stay calm and level headed' in a bad situation - he's the one who stepped up this time. He shone light on a dark experience. He shrugged most of it off, which gave me faith that everything will be ok - and it is. He had me in hysterics actually. He was like a hypo two year old. As soon as a Doc or Nurse would leave the room, he'd be pressing buttons, testing out machines, sucking back oxygen, pretending to diagnose and administer and fix. I'm forever grateful for the love he brings.

Friday night I was a little groggy and out of sorts. But by Sunday I was almost back to my 'normal' self. A little crampy and tired and bleeding - but feeling pretty good.

I think in these kind of scenarios, it's the mental and emotional healing that requires more work than the actual physical healing. In some cases - such as this - physical healing can happen on it's own. The body is an amazing thing. But the mind and heart - they require rewiring and focus to heal.

I've made an effort to acknowledge this healing process. Resting, prioritizing, enjoying, absorbing and listening - things I now am more attuned to. My life is good. My life is rich. I hope I never take that for granted. 

On and up. It's the only direction to go.

Exciting things I'm putting my focus into: my book launch {not long now!}, Chris and I are going away for 2 nights {WITHOUT KIDS} in a few weeks {yikes!} and being present each day with the time I spend with my kids...properly WITH THEM {Mama's, you know what I mean don't you?}.

What exciting things are in your life at the moment? Please share.

A special post tomorrow for my special little man. He's one and half tomorrow!! {Don't ask! I know!}

P.S. You....yes YOU....go and get your overdue Pap Smear done. NOW! Trust me, something us woman should NOT let slide!

Today.

Today, we woke early, but it felt good. I passed out at 7:30pm last night putting Ryder to bed. I woke in a panic at 8:30pm; to discover Chris had put Ella to bed, and all was right with the world :) I was exhausted though....and fell asleep a few minutes later on the couch, until Chris dragged me upstairs at 10pm.

As explained by my specialist, my immune system is working overtime in attempt to fight off a disease - a disease it is unable to fight off alone! Therefore, mixed with general life, adulthood, sleep deprivation, parenthood and working while being a stay-at-home-Mumma - I'm tired.

But I'm getting better at listening to my body. I'm not ignoring the symptoms or warning signs anymore. I'm succumbing to rest much easier now, and not feeling so guilty about it. This means, blog posts aren't daily and writing jobs are sometimes delayed by a day {or several}. It means my linen cupboard isn't organised and the gardens need a serious weeding. But hey, I'm keeping on top of the most important things - my health, my sanity, and my family.

Today, was ANZAC day. A Thursday which felt more like a Sunday.

We lazed all morning in pj's and bed-hair. And baked Anzac Cookies, of course...

Best enjoyed still warm, with a side of cold milk...

Then after Ryder had a nap, and we were showered and presentable to the outside world....

We headed out, the four of us. Lunch at the Coffee Club followed by a wine top-up at Dan Murphy's.

Next year we'll head into the city and watch my Dad march in the parade. But this year, with a toddler {who has an ear infection.....ugh} and a big, emotional day ahead of us tomorrow....we didn't stray too far today.

The local park called......a perfect sunset play was to be had....

Park trips seem to be an almost daily ritual for us. It's always the perfect way to burn off energy, get some fresh air....and have some fun!

Tonight has been quiet. A home cooked dinner, a few glasses of red wine {I'm gorging a little before my fasting begins at midnight} and listening to Ella pump out her home-reader book like an old pro. Followed by some writing. I've been writing A LOT lately - biography paragraphs, reviews, emails, informative articles, interview questions, more emails, media releases, learning activities, dedication pieces, more emails etc etc. But tonight, this writing - blog post writing, felt good. Felt easy.

I head to hospital tomorrow morning to undergo surgery. And then it's time to look up, and move on...

And as I sign off for the night, I'll leave you with this YouTube clip. Written and performed by my inspirational Father. A man of many talents.

To the ANZACS....or really for anyone lost, fought, sacrificed or survived in any form of war...