No More Babies.

{photo taken during my Maternity Shoot last year}

2009 was an up-turning year for us. We hit rock bottom in several ways - financially, emotionally & spiritually. Sooooo many things happened in 2009. Not all bad, but not all good either. Chris & I had to really search deep for meaning & reason, and we had to lean on the scaffold of our marriage to get through the year. I believe a lot of the 'events of 2009' happened for a reason, and we learnt so much as it all unfolded. We grew as individuals & as a couple as we reflected back on the crazy year, and embraced 2010 with gratitude & hope.

15yr old Ebony lived with us for the majority of 2009. And although it was something we always subconsciously wanted {to have Chris's first borns living under our roof or at least closer than 2 States away}, the circumstances were not ideal and a lot of learning, growing, forgiving, mistakes & grief was experienced.

I remember things getting really prickly when Ella was around the 15-18month mark {mid 2009}. She was going through a rough 'toddler' stage {and probably feeding off of the tension in our lives}. Her sleeping was haywire, I was rocking up to work each day so sleep deprived. She wasn't {and has never been} much of a tantrum thrower but she was going through a people anxiety phase & a Mummy separation phase when I went to work each morning. Her eating was getting fussy. She seemed to cry A LOT. It was tough.

And on one particular night, quite late, whilst Ella was battling a bout of Tonsillitis and was refusing sleep, we drove around our suburb in the hope to calm her to a lull. But she cried. And cried. On top of everything we were dealing with at that moment, it all felt a little too hard. And through tensed lips & a hurting heart, Chris comes out with this "That's it....we are having NO MORE BABIES!! This is it Claire!!!!"

We spoke more about it and I could see why Chris had said it, and as hurt as I was....I still kinda understood. He was already a Father to 3, and at present...parenthood was proving hard bloody work. But.....yes.....the glass-is-half-full girl {me} could see pass the present time & still had my values & dreams in place. Being a Mother was ALWAYS a dream of mine. Being a Mother of 2, was the ultimate!!!!

Over the next few weeks/months, I thought A LOT about the notion of us not having any more kids. I thought about what that meant for me, for Ella, for our family! I was so grateful to already have a beautiful baby girl but I was gutted at the thought of that being it for us. I had always imagined....just one more. But, over those next few months, I accepted the concept and looked at all the positives. I gradually became 'ok' with it, and moved on with my train of thought, my dreams & my plans for the future.

2009 rolled on. Changes happened. Happiness started to creep back in. Calm reemerged into our lives. 2010 greeted us & we started it with a bang. Things started to look up. Life continued and our love conquered all :)

Six months on, on a Saturday evening, Chris casually tells me that he would love nothing more than to bring another child into the world with me and he regrets saying otherwise all those months prior. Too scared to get my hopes up, I ignored the topic. He then brought it up a week later after we visited his sister in the hospital with her newborn :) And we talked more about it. To say my heart was jumping with extreme excitement & happiness is an understatement. I felt complete.

And then, in a cruel twist of fate, we fell pregnant within a month....and lost the pregnancy & half of my reproductive system. I thought the universe was talking to me....laughing at me. I thought that Chris would see this as a sign. But he was just as shattered as me, and just as keen to move on.

Six months later, we fell pregnant with Ryder.....and the rest was....well, history :)

Now...with 4 kids under our belt. 2 under our roof, but 4 that we're emotionally & financially responsible for, I'm pretty confident to say we're done in the baby-making industry. I'm happy, and blessed & feel VERY complete with my delicious little family.

A family that was meant to be.

How many kids do you have, or plan to have?

Do you and your partner agree on the topic of kids & quantities?