snap it {splash}

One day last week, the kids and I headed down the coast to the awesome 'Rock Pools' - A man made water park. We met our friends there and had a blast splashing around, enjoying the warm Spring day. Ryder {our water baby} was in his element. Baby Brother loves it!!

Playing along today with Sarah's SNAP IT. This week's theme was: SPLASH!!

Happy Hump Day!

Deflated.

Don't be fooled by this cute, cheeky face & his sparkly blue eyes.

Because it was this 'innocent' little man, who has left me feeling completely deflated tonight! Lucky I don't hold grudges for long :) Heehee!

Nah, it's not just his fault. Last night was just a shocker, and my poor little mite is not well at the moment :(

My day started at 3am this morning....actually yesterday didn't really end. Coz I was attending to feverish, crying kids all night. They were both fine yesterday, but from about 9pm onwards, both of them awoke with super high temps.

It was a loooong night. High temps freak me out. I don't like them one bit. I had to do a combo of nurofen & panadol with Ryder at 5am, just to get his under 39degrees :( Ella lay lifeless on the couch from 6am, which is not like her at all :(

A trip to the Doc's revealed that they both have a viral flu. No other symptoms at all - just high temps, which have been kept fairly under control today. The Doc said that there is some nasty strands of the flu getting around at the moment, and some of the worst cases of gastro he's ever seen! FUN!!!!

We had planned to have lunch with Chris's Mum & Aunty today, and then I was planning on spending an afternoon cleaning the white blind slats in our house {yes, fun I know}, but we had to cancel all plans and indulge in a day of nothingness. Couch naps for Ella, lots of movies & drinks & snacks. Cuddles & relaxing out on the grass in the fresh air. My left arm is aching from carrying Ryder ALL.DAY. And I am hoping that we all get a better night's sleep tonight!!! Fingers crossed.

Being sick is no fun at all. And seeing my kids feeling so poorly, breaks my heart!

I'm kinda ready for winter to be over....and for it to take it's stinkin' sick bugs with it!!!! Bring on SPRING!!

Here's hoping to a much healthier day tomorrow :)

G'night!

The Red Bridge.

There's this awesome park that we go to quite often, not too far from our house. It's awesome because it's in a central meeting place & has easy access no matter where you live in the surrounding areas. It has 2 great playgrounds, a toilet block, walking tracks along the river, and this really cool old red framed bridge, which used to be part of the old highway many years ago, but is now a simple pedestrian pathway over the river. We call this park "The Red Bridge Park" and it's our go-to place for most playdates these days.

On Saturday night, a local father of 5 was taken into police custody on murder charges. His 6 month old baby boy drowned in that river at 6:45pm. The baby fell from the Red Bridge!

The Father claims he & the baby fell off the bridge into the deep river, by accident, whilst on an evening walk! Police {or the Media} are claiming he threw the baby & himself over. With only him surfacing & surviving. A pram was left empty on the Red Bridge. The baby's body was found early this morning, further down river.

This story shattered me. Things like this seem to happen too often these days. Young lives being unfairly taken well before their time due to evil acts. But this particular story grabbed my attention, as it's so close to us....it happened at 'our' park.....on 'our' bridge.....in the river that I spent most of my childhood playing in.

And now that I'm a parent, I see these type of stories in a whole different light. When you hear about a baby....not much younger than Ryder loosing their life, you can't help but wonder the trauma...the stress....the grief. My throat tightens just thinking about it. Subconsciously, you get taken to that scary place of imagining something happening to your own child/ren......that land of 'what if's'......but then you have to stop the thoughts & distract with something else......as going to land of fearful thought is just too nightmarish, and unnecessary. A place you never want your thoughts to linger for long.

It's a crazy ole' world we live in. Unfair s&*t happens way too often.

Hold your babies tighter, kiss your kids more, love the people in your life; with everything that you have!

Kirsty & I took the kids to the 'Red Bridge Park' today. They played, and swung. Slipped & slid. Laughed & ran. They played 'dinosaurs' and chased each other. They dug in the sand & climbed the playground frame. They enjoyed the simple things in life....without a care in the world....which is just how they should be. That's the best thing about being a kid. Isn't it?

But as we rode our bikes along the Red Bridge, Kirsty and I did have cares. As adults, and Mothers; we wear a lot on our shoulders. We thought about that baby who fell {or was thrown} from that exact bridge just 2 days ago. It was horrible.We didn't stay on that bridge for long. It was too real.

Flowers were left for the beautiful little boy.

Ambulance blankets were still heaped....wet & crumbled on the side of the pathway not far from the riverbank. The whole thing just scares the shizz out of me. I feel sick just thinking that things like this happen to babies.....babies who deserve nothing but happiness & love & a LIFE. I struggle to accept that such horrible things happen to such innocent people. I just can't accept it. 

My heart goes out to the family. A family who is now mourning the loss of a tiny little Soul....a tiny person, who was probably a HUGE part of their life. I just can't let myself go to that horrific place of imagining just how they're feeling & what life looks like for them now!

As I said in my last post; Cherish every day! The little moments that make this period of our lives so precious. Nothing lasts forever....the good things nor the bad! Savour every little part of YOUR life. Life is way too short & way too unpredictable. Hearing about tragedies, wakes us up to what's important....what matters..... life gets thrown back into perspective.

Children are gifts. They truly are.

Breastfed Babies Are Smarter!

"Breastfed babies turn out smarter, and rarely get sick" said the home-visiting Midwife as I clutched my hungry, crying 1 week old Ella. "You're doing a great job Claire! Just stick with it, and it'll get easier, there's no need to turn to formula", she tried to encourage as she watched me pumping strawberry coloured {blood stained} milk from my torn chest. "But Ella has lost a lot of weight since birth, A LOT....is that normal? I'm pumping every 3 hours but the milk is riddled with blood....is that normal? Ella only attaches for 30seconds at a time, and I'm finding breastfeeding excruciating....even more so than the birth....is that normal?" I questioned through my sobs.

Something I wasn't prepared for when becoming a mother for the first time was the masses of bombarding 'advice' on how to properly raise my kid. And something I didn't see coming, was the gut-wrenching guilt that came with believing ALL OF THAT advice & trying to adhere to all of it.

A few days on from hearing those words come from the midwife's mouth, about breastfed babies being smarter & healthier, I felt completely lost & alone in my battle with breastfeeding. It wasn't getting any easier....harder in fact. So when Chris unjudgely & calmly suggested he pick up a tin of formula on the way home from work, I quivered with a feeling of being the 'World's Worst Mother!" 

Chris did get a tin. Ella skulled the full bottle & cried for more. And although I could see it satisfied her, and in some ways it did me too, I rung my own Mum in tears; declaring that I had failed my daughter.

For the next 6 weeks, I allowed my body to heal & continued to pump a few times a day. Formula gradually became the prominent food for Ella with breastmilk as a 'top up'. And by the time she was 2 months old, she was solely on formula. She was gaining weight, sleeping as well as any newborn, happy, settled & more importantly HEALTHY! Yet...I was still riddled with guilt. My mind often wondered off to how I was depriving my child of the 'normal', 'healthy' basics & I was giving her a terrible nutritional start to life. I cringed when people asked me how breastfeeding was going....as it meant I had to reveal my defeat. Each fortnight I took her to get weighed and with each & every nurse that simply & routinely questioned "How are you feeding her?" I would hesitate, answer & then quickly justify why she was formula-fed. I'd clam up & wait to be bombarded with their negative reactions....which rarely came.... Silly really....it wasn't like I was feeding her a diet of Coke. I was giving her a baby formula full of nutrients & minerals....pretty close to that of breastmilk. However, I found a lot of people's opinions & the media to be very anti-formula, and I felt very judged for my newborn being on bottles already.

The years ticked on. Ella was in no way an 'easy' baby, but she thrived & grew. She hit each & every milestone well before the 'expected time' and like all babies, she amazed us; her parents, daily with her spark & growth. Now, at 4, I realise the formula WAS in fact BEST for HER! If I knew the name of the nurse who visited me 4 years ago to convince me BREAST WAS THE ONLY WAY....I'd probably take my beaming, healthy 4 year old to her now & show her how perfect & amazing she is. She's no smarter or dumber than her breastfed friends. She's not healthier or unhealthier than her breastfed friends. I do agree that breast is best in the sense that it's ALL NATURAL & freshly, organically made. But I also know that not everyone finds breastfeeding easy, natural....or even possible at all. And that's ok! That's why some very clever scientists created another option - formula. That midwife really should find some better word-choices in encouraging breastfeeding, as making a new mother feel gutted for depriving their child of being 'smarter' or 'healthier' really doesn't help the already hard situation.

And, although I'm tired of the whole breastfed vs bottlefed battle in the media and now turn a blind eye to it, I know that there are A LOT of new Mothers out there feeling very alone in their choice to breastfeed or to bottlefeed. There's so much negativity surrounding the issue. Which I don't understand. We're all doing the same thing aren't we? Feeding our hungry babies! Feeding them a nutritious milk food! Doing what suits us as Mothers, our baby, our family & our lifestyle. We're all wanting the best for our kids!!

During my pregnancy with Ryder, I promised myself I would NOT let breastfeeding/bottlefeeding decisions eat at me as much as they did 1st time round. I prepared my body for breastfeeding & hoped for the best. And with him...it was completely different! He attached so easily & fed like a pro! But my supply did not keep up with my almost 10pound boy. After feeding him EVERY.20.MINUTES for the first week {through day & NIGHT}, I turned to the world of formula again, yet this time felt confident!! Hey, don't get me wrong, I still had a little teary moment to Chris....expressing my inability to be 'like the other mums.....who breastfeed so easily for 1year {plus}' ....but once I got that little whine out my system I knew I was happy with my decision. When Ryder was 5 weeks of age, I stopped breastfeeding & solely relied on bottlefeeding my hungry little monster. It worked for us. As much as my breastfeeding sister-in-law's who breastfed their babies until over 12 months worked for them. Whatever works....works! Do we really need to feel guilty on top of the already super-hard-task of being a MUM!?

When I headed to the health centre to get Ryder weighed and the midwife asked "And how are you feeding him?" I confidently answered "He's formula fed now, and look at how well he's thriving!". They knew I was happy, confident & doing what was best for MY child....no one elses. And I didn't feel the need to justify or explain.

End of story. Happy Mum, Happy Baby! Sometimes you have to change the plan to find that happy place....and that's ok! What works for some, doesn't work for others. And that too.....is ok!

Night Feeds.

Ryder - 4 months old now.

I have a love/hate relationship with nighttime feeds & my kids waking {a lot} each night.

I hate the broken sleep - sleep deprivation is a killer. I hate the exhaustion that comes with new babies & having to feed them several times a night. I hate hearing about other people's baby's sleeping through the night at a few weeks old, and we're going on 4 years of broken sleep waiting for 'sleep throughs'. I hate not knowing what each night will bring - I like structure & plans :) I hate waking in the morning & feeling so hung over {even though I didn't touch a drop of alcohol the night before!}.

BUT..... I really love being the one who can settle & calm my hungry, awake children. I love having that one-on-one time....just me & him {or her sometimes...even at 4yrs old}. I love the peace of the house as I feed & cuddle my baby boy during the wee hours of the night, as the rest of the family sleeps. I love his limp, relaxed body...still half asleep, as he snuggles into my neck & snores - so dependant, so perfect. I love being there for my kids, no matter how tired or frustrated I am - I want them to know that if they call, I'll come-a running :) I love knowing that it won't last forever, so to embrace it {even the icky, hazy, exhausting bits} while we're at this stage, and while it lasts. I love being sandwiched between snoozing babies & their Daddy, hearing their breaths, examining their perfection, seeping in their every ounce of life, taking it all in....loving them.

Sleep is so last season wall print avaible here.

Sleep Deprivation. Sink or Float?

I felt a bit like this Lego this morning.....broken, crumpled, a limp mess on the floor :)

Why? Because....

Last night looked something like this:...... Somewhere between Ryder's two usual nightly feeds {usually around 1am & 4am}, he decided he wanted an extra random feed around 11pm {growth spurt maybe?} as well as a couple of dummy re-plugs {or re-pipes as Chris & I call them}. Ryder is only 10 weeks old so night feeds & night wakings is to be expected I know. However, earlier in the evening; Ella took forever to get to sleep at her usual bedtime of 7:15pm, which I found quite draining at the end of a long day. She then woke at around 10pm wanting me to tuck her back in & cuddle her back to sleep, then again at midnight; but crying with sore legs {growing pains maybe?} and insisting on an ice-pack {so Mummy was up again & getting sippy cups of water & injury icepacks and cuddling an upset 3 yr old...sshhing her back to a deep lull}.

I lost count of how many times I was awoken & up, out of bed. But the night felt long & interrupted & when Ella decided to greet the day with full speed at 5:34am this morning, I was not a happy chappy!

And really....last night was not the worst I've experienced. In fact, it was nothing compared to some! Hey, there were nights only 8 weeks ago when Ryder was teeny-tiny newborn that I was getting literally NO sleep each & every night.

And....although Ella is almost 4, we can count on 2 hands the amount of times she has gone to bed & not awoken us until a reasonable hour the next morning.......let's be honest....she's not a good sleeper, never has been and I doubt at this rate, she ever will be. And some nights, I'm ok with it. I'm used to it....I've accepted it....I even embrace it sometimes, as she snuggles into our bed all warm & cuddly, and I breathe in every ounce of her while she's still so little & dependent.

But today....today I was tired.

I was not myself. I was irritable & frustrated. I was impatient & annoyed. Basically, I had my cranky pants on bigtime! Sleep Deprivation, although a major part of parenting, is hard.....really hard. I will toot my own horn here a little in saying that I think I've dealt with severe sleep deprivation pretty well over the past 4 years. I've faced up after shocking nights of little sleep & still managed to go to work, cook, clean, play, smile, create, be a mum, be a wife.....oh yeah, this Mumma can rally when needed. But then there's days {like today} where all I want to do is, shut myself in a dark, quiet room and sleep! SLEEP ALL DAY!!!

But.....as most parents would know....that's not possible. So I attempted to rally.....

I succumbed to some morning Lego play with my little lady:

And, just like the scattered, messy Lego.....I pulled myself together & formed into something stronger & more structured! I faced up.

I went through the motions of feeding kids, cleaning up messes, changing nappies, showering, dressing etc. And hit the grocery store to re-store our empty pantry. On return, I again fed kids, cleaned up messes, changed nappies & fell back into my sleep-deprived-cranky-Mummy-mode. {NOT GOOD!}. I attempted a quick nanny nap in bed with Chris, while Ryder snoozed in his bassinet & Ella & Jayden played happily in the lounge room. But, Ryder awoke after a poor effort of a 20minute sleep :)

I was about to crack it!!!! BUT.....2 words went through my mind...... SINK or FLOAT. Sink or float? Two words my friend Kim said when she had her 2nd child & was experiencing those tough early days. Those 2 words have stuck with me ever since she said them....and I ask myself them regularly when faced with a prickly parenting moment. Sink or Float? I thought!

Bugger it.....I'm not sinking with this tired old shabby ship! Float baby float!!!!!

So, we baked:

Above: that moment made me smile. a moment I was grateful I decided to float.

We jumped on the trampoline, fixed the broken fence outside, played, flew remote helicopters, finally got around to uploading old photos, vacuumed, danced to "Party Rock Anthem" for the 9 millionth time this week & played hide & seek.

I enjoyed yet another coffee {oh, thank sweet caffeine...where would I be without you?!} and loved not having to cook when Chris offered to get us all sushi for dinner :)

It's 9pm now, I still feel tired.....so so tired. Still irritated & on edge. And I'm about to head off to bed. Who knows how much sleep we'll get tonight, and really it doesn't matter......because no matter how much I whine or complain about being tired.....it's not going to fix anything. I'm a Mum....and that means missing out on things...and making sacrifices. And sleep is something I've accepted is what I will loose a lot of for many years.It's all part of the deal I guess! Take the bad with the good and run!

But then I see the reasons why I don't get long restful nights of unbrokend sleep & I am happy:

These 2 balls of energy are worth all of the lost sleep in the world. I'll take no sleep, if it means having them in my life!

I planned to use tonight to get some preparations done for Ella's upcoming 4th birthday party and to upload a free printable print I have made for YOU all. But.....I'm changing my plan....I'm going to bed. All that can wait til tomorrow when my head is clearer & after I've hopefully had a bit more sleep :)

Tomorrow is a new day! A fresh start....a new outlook....another chance to:

SINK OR FLOAT??

Goodnight All....sweet dreams :)