Breastfed Babies Are Smarter!
Saturday, May 26, 2012 at 8:51PM
"Breastfed babies turn out smarter, and rarely get sick" said the home-visiting Midwife as I clutched my hungry, crying 1 week old Ella. "You're doing a great job Claire! Just stick with it, and it'll get easier, there's no need to turn to formula", she tried to encourage as she watched me pumping strawberry coloured {blood stained} milk from my torn chest. "But Ella has lost a lot of weight since birth, A LOT....is that normal? I'm pumping every 3 hours but the milk is riddled with blood....is that normal? Ella only attaches for 30seconds at a time, and I'm finding breastfeeding excruciating....even more so than the birth....is that normal?" I questioned through my sobs.
Something I wasn't prepared for when becoming a mother for the first time was the masses of bombarding 'advice' on how to properly raise my kid. And something I didn't see coming, was the gut-wrenching guilt that came with believing ALL OF THAT advice & trying to adhere to all of it.
A few days on from hearing those words come from the midwife's mouth, about breastfed babies being smarter & healthier, I felt completely lost & alone in my battle with breastfeeding. It wasn't getting any easier....harder in fact. So when Chris unjudgely & calmly suggested he pick up a tin of formula on the way home from work, I quivered with a feeling of being the 'World's Worst Mother!"
Chris did get a tin. Ella skulled the full bottle & cried for more. And although I could see it satisfied her, and in some ways it did me too, I rung my own Mum in tears; declaring that I had failed my daughter.
For the next 6 weeks, I allowed my body to heal & continued to pump a few times a day. Formula gradually became the prominent food for Ella with breastmilk as a 'top up'. And by the time she was 2 months old, she was solely on formula. She was gaining weight, sleeping as well as any newborn, happy, settled & more importantly HEALTHY! Yet...I was still riddled with guilt. My mind often wondered off to how I was depriving my child of the 'normal', 'healthy' basics & I was giving her a terrible nutritional start to life. I cringed when people asked me how breastfeeding was going....as it meant I had to reveal my defeat. Each fortnight I took her to get weighed and with each & every nurse that simply & routinely questioned "How are you feeding her?" I would hesitate, answer & then quickly justify why she was formula-fed. I'd clam up & wait to be bombarded with their negative reactions....which rarely came.... Silly really....it wasn't like I was feeding her a diet of Coke. I was giving her a baby formula full of nutrients & minerals....pretty close to that of breastmilk. However, I found a lot of people's opinions & the media to be very anti-formula, and I felt very judged for my newborn being on bottles already.
The years ticked on. Ella was in no way an 'easy' baby, but she thrived & grew. She hit each & every milestone well before the 'expected time' and like all babies, she amazed us; her parents, daily with her spark & growth. Now, at 4, I realise the formula WAS in fact BEST for HER! If I knew the name of the nurse who visited me 4 years ago to convince me BREAST WAS THE ONLY WAY....I'd probably take my beaming, healthy 4 year old to her now & show her how perfect & amazing she is. She's no smarter or dumber than her breastfed friends. She's not healthier or unhealthier than her breastfed friends. I do agree that breast is best in the sense that it's ALL NATURAL & freshly, organically made. But I also know that not everyone finds breastfeeding easy, natural....or even possible at all. And that's ok! That's why some very clever scientists created another option - formula. That midwife really should find some better word-choices in encouraging breastfeeding, as making a new mother feel gutted for depriving their child of being 'smarter' or 'healthier' really doesn't help the already hard situation.
And, although I'm tired of the whole breastfed vs bottlefed battle in the media and now turn a blind eye to it, I know that there are A LOT of new Mothers out there feeling very alone in their choice to breastfeed or to bottlefeed. There's so much negativity surrounding the issue. Which I don't understand. We're all doing the same thing aren't we? Feeding our hungry babies! Feeding them a nutritious milk food! Doing what suits us as Mothers, our baby, our family & our lifestyle. We're all wanting the best for our kids!!
During my pregnancy with Ryder, I promised myself I would NOT let breastfeeding/bottlefeeding decisions eat at me as much as they did 1st time round. I prepared my body for breastfeeding & hoped for the best. And with him...it was completely different! He attached so easily & fed like a pro! But my supply did not keep up with my almost 10pound boy. After feeding him EVERY.20.MINUTES for the first week {through day & NIGHT}, I turned to the world of formula again, yet this time felt confident!! Hey, don't get me wrong, I still had a little teary moment to Chris....expressing my inability to be 'like the other mums.....who breastfeed so easily for 1year {plus}' ....but once I got that little whine out my system I knew I was happy with my decision. When Ryder was 5 weeks of age, I stopped breastfeeding & solely relied on bottlefeeding my hungry little monster. It worked for us. As much as my breastfeeding sister-in-law's who breastfed their babies until over 12 months worked for them. Whatever works....works! Do we really need to feel guilty on top of the already super-hard-task of being a MUM!?
When I headed to the health centre to get Ryder weighed and the midwife asked "And how are you feeding him?" I confidently answered "He's formula fed now, and look at how well he's thriving!". They knew I was happy, confident & doing what was best for MY child....no one elses. And I didn't feel the need to justify or explain.
End of story. Happy Mum, Happy Baby! Sometimes you have to change the plan to find that happy place....and that's ok! What works for some, doesn't work for others. And that too.....is ok!
Reader Comments (16)
Thank you Claire, it's really refreshing to read a positive point of view. Not one being negative either way.
It's such a hard time for mothers and I nearly cried when my mother in law bought a can of formula, I remember asking her, "can I fee him this?". I obviously knew I could it said 0-6 months on the can, but what I was asking was won't the midwives get mad and won't people judge me and aren't I being a bad mother by depriving my child of breast milk.
It's terrible the guilt that is pushed on us.
I love this post! I too struggled with breastfeeding and felt very abused my all of the midwives I dealt with. My son was born via c-section and I'd heard a lot of people say that it takes longer for your milk to come in after that. My milk didn't come in until day 5, my son wouldn't latch at all and while I was trying to tell them that it was because there was no milk, they insisted on terrifying me with possible medical issues preventing him from breastfeeding. I was in hospital for 5 days and during that time only had the same nurse twice, and each new nurse came in and read my chart, asked me to re-explain the situation (I was attempting to breastfeed at every feed, but he was getting formula supplements. I was also expressing in between feeds and taking tablets to encourage my milk to come in.) and then would spend at least half an hour trying to get him to latch, pulling and prodding not only me, but also him, teaching me yet another method for breastfeeding that they thought was best. I was in tears constantly and then, on day 5, my last day in hospital, my milk finally came in! My son latched and began to drink immediately! I called the nurse (who took over 20 minutes to arrive) and then asked her to help me work out the best way to hold him and make sure his attachment was just right and she couldn't care less. She just glanced at me and said "that's fine" and left! I was gutted, after everything they'd put me through, to not care, to not help when it finally mattered?!? I still had a very low milk supply, so was expressing at least a dozen times a day. I felt like a cow, I was exhausted and he still had to have formula supplements because I couldn't produce more than about 30mls at a time. Eventually I gave in at 2 weeks after both my Mum and Mother-in-Law had had enough of watching me suffer and told me it was OK. My mum didn't breastfeed me or my brother (we both have university degrees and great jobs), my MIL didn't breastfeed any of her four kids (my hubby has a PhD, his eldest sister has her Masters, his youngest sister is becoming a Vet and his brother runs his own very successful company). We are all very intelligent and very happy. When I was pregnant with my second son I struggled to decide whether to try again or not. Eventually I decided that it just wasn't worth it. I'm ashamed to admit that during my breastfeeding struggles I loathed my son, absolutely hated him. I never, ever want to feel that way again which is why your post is so amazing. New mums need to hear the other side of the story and know that whatever decision they make for their baby is just fine.
I am afraid I have had enough milk for twenty babies! Breastfeeding also has it negatives especially as my second child would never take a bottle and has been impossible to wean!!! I have always lived by do what works for you and your baby!!!!
You have to love the world of motherhood! Everyone wants to give advice or judge. I desperately wanted to breastfeed and I stubbornly fought with all the hurdles I was thrown and was lucky enough to beat them and feed, that being said we switched to formula at nine months and I certainly don't think it made her IQ go down! What sort of comment is "breastfed babies are smarter" that is ridiculous! I'm pretty sure there is no box on the annual report cards for breastfed or not at school!!!
I'm having similar feelings to using a dummy! I never wanted to do it but unfortunately Miss A doesn't suck her fingers or thumb, doesn't have a particular toy that she insists on having and the dummy has become something she has for bed for comfort! Who knows why I feel the way I do but like you with breastfeeding I can't seem to let the feeling go!!!!
Healthy, happy kids and mummies is all that should matter right???
None of my four were breastfed, and I have found other people, especially women, very judgemental. No woman should give another a hard time for feeding her baby as she wants. And my four children haven't turned out too badly !!!!
I actually wonder about breast fed babies being smarter. My twins were only breast fed for 12 weeks and they are very smart . My youngest child was breast fed for almost 2 years because of allergies and has the most problems. So has it got to do with the way the baby is fed or other issues such as health or environment? But one thing is for sure- mothers will always have to deal with criticism even when they are doing their best.
I love you! I had exactly the same guilt with my now 14 month old. Thankyou for sharing this for others to read. I was judged and felt judged by so many! But in the end knew it was right for my boy and me. I will try to breastfeed again next time, but if it doesn't work , I know I won't be riddled with the same guilt as the first time. This tabo subject in the world of new mothers really needs more press time.
Motherhood is tough enough. Why do we add the pressure of expectations and judgement? Self or at others? When I had my little bundle of joy 6 years ago the hospital made it very clear that they do not stock forumla for any reason and it was very much discouraged. My poor little baby screamed all night on the second night because she was starving and my milk hadn't come in yet. Eventually a midwife made up some forumula in a little medicine cup and we fed it to her that way until my milk came in. Not only is every one different, so is every baby. You need to do what is right for the two of you.
We got caught in the cycle of becoming too dependant on breastfeeding, and for a long time what I did was determined by feed times. It didn't help that I also had a controlling husband who used that against me too. And there were plenty of times I was jealous of mums who were able to bottle feed, either with expressed milk or formula and were able to have a break for a little while... even a few hours.
There are pros and cons on each side and I don't believe either one is better. The best option is what works for mother and baby.
My son was over 4kgs and starving all the time and persisting with breast feeding felt like I was torturing him. We comp fed and I expressed for 2 months- he has just been classified as gifted and talented, ( must get it from his dad!) and is still a giant so hasn't really suffered. I knew this, I learned from it, or so I thought...along comes number 2 and I am racked with guilt after 3 months. We are so vulnerable to guilt and it's crazy! In terms of the breast feeding studies, in my hour of desperation trying to find some comfort for my guilt I came across kramers study from 1991, in which he himself postulates that the 3-5 point increase in iq may very well be because of the act of breast feeding requiring more interaction, as opposed to the milk itself. And either way, a year after giving it up for the last time I can tell you that even if my kids are 3-5 iq points less intelligent than their breasted friends, I will love them every bit as much. Great article, we need more of them so that all muns know that they are the best decision makers for their kids.
Thankyou thankyou thankyou so much for sharing your story. I'm currently struggling with breastfeeding my 8day old baby boy, I had to turn to formula feeding while still breast feeding and pumping every three hours at day 4 cause he was losing to much weight, I felt devestated and like I failed cause I always had an image of me and my baby breast feeding and happy just like my mum and all my family members. I feel like I've disappointed them somehow. Ive had four different midwives visit and all tell me to do something different to boost my milk supply, now I'm confused and lost in what decision to make. I have a lactation appointment in 2 days and am scared they are going to give me another unrealistic plan where I lose precious time with my new family. But I'm secretly hoping they tell me that there is no hope of me breast feeding so I'll have to use formula, so I have an 'excuse' on why i had to change and the hard decision is made for me to elevate the guilt. As I sit here at 4am in the morning pumping a tiny 10ml of Breast milk, crying cause I feel I've failed as a woman, mother, daughter and wife. I know the decision I have to make but it's the hardest one I've ever had to make.
I'm scared! :,(
I was never any good at breastfeeding but not through lack of trying. I had big babies and my boobs just didnt produce enough milk for them, even when I was on milk inducing medication. Alas my milk bar was just ornamental. It hurt me so much the first time around when I couldnt feed my son, but we were both just so much happier on the formula road. By number two and three, the guilt didnt subside when we ended up on the same path, but I was more confident in my decision and quick to knock down anyone that tried to make me doubt myself. Well done hun - you had it all figured out. Happy Mum Happy Baby! xx
Awesome post Claire, should be passed on to all new mothers. I agree, what's best for your baby and you is what should be the only consideration. Happy Mum = happy bub. As you know, I had major issues with Sophie in the early months leading to a stint in hospital to work out what was wrong and every time I suggested formula, it was like I suggested feeding her Coke :) Eventually, all has been sorted and I'm still breastfeeding her now, but I don't think it's right new mothers are made to feel guilty about choosing what is right for them and their baby. Good on you for your confidence when visiting your health nurse recently xx
Great post! I had no doubts when I was pregnant that I would breastfeed, and was shocked and disappointed to learn it didn't happen for everyone as simply as that. I tried for four days in hospital with the help of a lactation consultant with no luck. As a first time Mum, I felt like I was letting my baby down and it took the support of my husband and my Mum to make me realise exactly what you have said, whatever works! I have learned that motherhood is a constant decision making process and my Mummy instinct is where the best answer always lies. I have a very happy and intelligent 2 year old who was formula fed, I hope next time around I am able to ignore the critics and go with it!
i love this post Claire - you articulate the struggles so many of us feel and it's strange how many people give advice about something that is so personal and so individual. I breastfeed my babes and supplemented with formula occasionally. Breastfeeding was so hard for me with my first (I had a 10 pounder too!) man can they feed! so with my second, like you...I was more confident that it was ok to do what felt right...Good on you Claire. Your intuition and motherly nurture is what made you make the right decision for you and your babies! xx
This is such a fabulous and honest post, Claire. I loved it when I first read it but it brought back so many unpleasant memories that I couldn't comment! I have had 3 completely different experiences with our pixies. Same mum but different child = no ability to predict what will happen. What I did learn was that my baby needed nutrition, in whatever form. Full stop. Once I grasped that, it made dealing with all the judgements thrown my way a little easier. Thanks so much for linking up with the POTMC! J x
I breast fed my first and second babies for 6 months and when I had my third baby I assumed I would try to do the same. His birth didn't go to plan and we were both lucky to come out the other end. The most lovely Midwife came to me at 10pm and told me I had done a wonderful job but I wasn't super-mum. I had two little kids to run around after at home and I needed to be strong for all of them. She let me sleep and fed my baby a bottle (with my permission) I nearly cried with gratitude. I did feed both ways for a few weeks but moved on to formula with way less guilt thanks to one caring midwife who was not afraid to support me even though I'm sure it went against all that they are taught to promote. Like you say Happy Mum, Happy Baby!