A Cup Of Tea, A Bex and A Good Lie Down.
Thursday, April 19, 2012 at 9:49AM 
This is me, each & everyday! OK.....not really!
Last night, Matty {Chris's Brother} & Takumi were around our place for dinner. Our conversations somehow turned to the topic of 'housewives' and the 50's/60's trend of women taking Bex to 'get through their days'.
I made a comment about how 'a traditional housewife' {in the past} spent her days purely looking after the house & her family, so everything was on time & perfect once her Husband walked in the door at the end of each working day. I patted Chris's knee sympathetically & apologised that I'm so far from this perfect housewife persona.
Yes, I am currently a full-time stay-at-home-Mumma. Yes, I'm currently a housewife. But do I spend every second of every day cleaning, cooking, sewing, ironing & perfecting our home? Ummm....no, no I don't. And it got me thinking.....should I be?? Eeeks, maybe I'm a bad housewife!
I know, like everyone, I make mistakes with parenting and can NOT call myself a perfect Mother. But....I do put my kids first {always} & my every decision & action is about making their life richer. Richer with love & experience & memories. I think I'm doing ok in this Mumma Gig. I spend my days crafting, and baking & doing puzzles. My kids get out & about and regularly see new places, meet new people, try new things. My kids have a variety of toys to stimulate & educate them. I give them my time in teaching them {well....only Ella at this stage} how to read & write & draw & create. I do spend 90% of my time being MUM! But then...that only leaves 10% of my time to be WIFE. {sorry Chris!}
I try to run a tight ship at home. I don't like mess, so I'm constantly cleaning up after everyone. I make the beds, keep on top of the washing {most days haaa} and keep the kitchen organised. And...Yes, since we moved to this new {big} house we get a cleaner in once a week to scrub bathrooms & toilets & mop floors. Does that make me a lazy housewife?? Yikes!!! I don't think so....coz I still spend A LOT of time cleaning & tidying & keeping the house in order. I feel guilty to have her come.....which is ridiculous, coz I should be LOVING it & embracing her!!!!
Do I serve our dinner on the table, the same time every night without fail.....hell no! I do try to keep to routine & some days, dinner is well & truly thought out & prepared by early evening and the night smoothly flows. And then there's days where I'm fanging to the local IGA with two grizzly, hungry kids, so we can get something to cook for dinner at 5pm, because I've discovered we have an empty fridge, freezer & pantry!
Do I 'do it all'? Umm....NO!!! I try to do most of the parenting & house related work, because I am not currently working. But I also expect Chris to participate too! I believe that in the past, women were ideally a housewife. That was their one & only 'job'. But over time, women realised & rallied & changed the world. They realised that, 'hey...we are strong & smart & ever so capable. We have dreams & goals & a life to live too'. So women started working more, they started balancing motherhood/being a wife, with having a career or a business or hell forbid a few hobbies. They started to live life differently. This change, then jolted a need for men to change too. For now, they were required to help more with parenting & housework & the home duties.
In today's society, there's a thriving mixture of full-time Mums/housewives as well as working Mums/wives. I've experienced both of these options. And enjoyed both of them. Unfortunately, there is a stigma in today's world, where full-time Mums are almost frowned upon. Women's expectations have flipped. "Oh, you're just a mum!" JUST...what the? Being a Mum at home with small kids can actually be tough work. You don't get specified lunch breaks, you rarely get to shower, pee or dress in privacy. Adult conversation lacks & a quiet moment to yourself.....doesn't happen. But, at the same time, it's rewarding & fun & ever so rich.....and it's currently where my heart is. I'm happy here being a full-time Mum and housewife, and very grateful for Chris for providing this option for me.
But, because I'm human.....I want more. More for my family, but also....MORE FOR ME. As well as being a Mum & a wife, I want to be a friend & a business owner & a blogger. I need a creative outlet that doesn't include Dora Colouring books or gluing feathers to paper crowns. I need a few moments every now & then to read a book or drink a coffee in peace or even sleep-in. I need one on one time with my Husband, and the odd night out with girlfriends. I want to be a Mum...and a wife....and Claire! Am I greedy?? Or am I just trying to get the most out of this one, wild & precious life I've been given?? I'm sticking with that latter.
I think Chris gets that...he respects that! He values me enough to know that I'm not perfect & sometimes our house or meals won't be the product of perfection. I do need his help sometimes to cook or clean or play with kids. I do need him to nip to the grocer's every now & then to grab supplies coz this Mumma has run the pantry dry, or forgotten to buy nappies. I do need him to hold the fort sometimes while I have some 'ME TIME' or attend a work or social function. And that's fair coz he runs & swims & trains at the gym....this is his way to relax, release stress, have 'him' time, be Chris...and not Dad, and reenergize. We all need that for ourselves. Men & women.
Maybe in an ideal world, my Husband would walk in the door after a day at work {a bit hard...when he works from home....haaa} and I hand him his glass of sherry & robe and he's then greeted by two quietly calm, bathed & well behaved children. The house is spotless and the fireplace is burning softly creating a warm glow over the room showing how clean each surface is....And then 'ping' the oven beeps to notify me that the roast is ready & I serve it to a perfectly set table right on 6pm. EACH.AND.EVERY.DAY!!! But....we're not living in an ideal world. And, If that was my reality I think I would be relying on Bex and a good lie down to get through my days!!!! That is so far from my ideal world, anyways. I'd rather Chris walk into a home that has been lived in and loved in, a HAPPY family who's lived BIG that day.....all because he has provided that lifestyle & freedom for us! Hopefully that in turn makes him happy!?
So, I'll continue on my way of being a Mum, keeping some order in our house, attempting some form of consistency with meals & chores, write my blog, create my prints, attend to emails & invoices, chase my dreams, AND be the best possible wife to Chris. I hope that's enough!? Coz it's me, and it's all I've got ;)
To the other women out there....what's your situation? Working? At home with kids? Happy with your life? Depressed with it?
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Reader Comments (4)
Claire, you do a great job as a mum and wife...and teacher ! It is always difficult to balance everything but we shouldn't feel guilty for having me time. And don't feel guilty about having a cleaner...I had one for 5 years while being a 'stay at home mum' ! X
I know you are doing a FANTASTIC job at being a full-time Mum Claire, this blog of yours is proof of that. It's obvious that everything you do has your children's needs considered first. I'm sure Chris thinks you're an AMAZING wife too. I know I say this every time I comment on your blog, but reading your posts, I truly feel like I am reading something I've written :) Talk about parallel worlds! Especially the running to the grocery store to pick up something I've realised I desperately need at 6pm or phoning Paul on his way home to pick up nappies or something (tonight i need him to grab milk.. he he)
As for the cleaner, DO NOT feel guilty at all. You are putting so much time and effort into this mothering job of yours, you are more than allowed to have someone come andmop and clean bathrooms etc. In our early tough months with Sophie, we got someone to come in once a week for 1 1/2 hours. It meant my floors were mopped, carpets vacuumed, bathrooms/toilets cleaned leaving me more time to focus on being a Mum. And as you say, you're like me who is constantly tidying and cleaning up throughout the day and with little ones, there's stuff to do EVERY DAY. We only just stopped our cleaner recently to try a save a bit of money and I thought I wouldn't miss her... I do, juggling the housework with the girls is tricky!! :)
And I think it's important as Mums that we have some 'me time' occasionally too whether that be for blogging, coffees with girlfriends, a night out with hubby etc. Feeling rejuvenated helps us appreciate our role as Mummy even more.
You are doing an amazing job Claire, remember that always my friend xx
A fabulous post which resonates with me on so many levels, Claire. You are a modern mum. That's what happened two decades ago. Back before the internet, colour telly, 24 hour shops - doesn't that sounds eons ago?! You're doing a top job. Bravo, my friend! J x
I totally agree with all you have said in this blog post. You put it into words so well. I believe that times have changed and the original role of "the perfect wife and mother" is no longer applicable or possible in these modern times. No one can be perfect and no one can do it all.
I am a mum who works part time and feels under pressure often. It is very hard somedays when I am tired after getting home late from work, rushing to cook dinner, helping my child with with homework, watching my favourite TV shows, reading emails, spending time with my husband etc etc...... Somedays feel so exhausting but somedays thankfully are smooth sailing. I love week ends where we don't have to rush anywhere before 9am and we can stay in our pj's for hours on end.
I have started to say NO to certain people at certain times because I find I just can't do everything. I need some time to unwind, relax and be myself. I love being a wife and mother but there are times I just need to slow down and not feel overwhelmed and overtired. It doesn't hurt to say NO once in a while.