You've got a friend in me.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 at 8:09PM I often reflect on what kind of person I am. I think it's human nature to think about, wonder & analyse who we are, what we do & why we do it.
At the end of most days, usually in a quiet moment, I think about my doings of that day. I can be hard on myself. I hate to disappoint....myself, but more so; others.
However lately, most of my reflections are about me as a Mother. My days seem to be consumed with nappy changes, feedtimes, sleep settling, imaginative 4 yr old play, tidying up & general 'mummy chores'. I'm a Mother! I love being a Mother. I'm happy being a Mother! And whilst my babies are still young & dependent....that's my main role.
But, like most Mums....we are more than just Mothers. We're daughters, wives, sisters, aunties, collegues, cousins, nieces, friends & more. And with so much of my time, love & energy put into being a Mother, I wonder about the other roles I'm neglecting.
It got me thinking about friends. My beautiful friends....and what kind of a friend I am to them. I worry that I'm a crappy friend, especially over the past few crazy months of newborns, sleep deprivation & moving house! The older I'm getting, the faster it seems time is whizzing by. I blink and another week has gone by!
Moni & I. Been besties for 20years!
I have friends from all walks of life. Friends I've known forever & friends I've just met these past few years. I can't imagine life without my network of pals....my support systems.....my girls! They're always there for me....through love & loss & life. They show up. They ask. They love my babies. They care.
It hit me last Saturday, whilst I was out to lunch with a bunch of my closest friends. It was a mission to get there......to pack 2 kids up for the whole day out {so much stuff needed, it's ridiculous} - to get to ballet on time, then back in the car to go vote, to then drive 35 minutes South to catch the girls for lunch. It would've been easier to say No, to miss out on the lunch date!! But, it was Prue's Birthday. We were celebrating! And as we dined in a funky little cafe by the beach and I rocked my grizzly baby boy to sleep in my arms whilst talking life & love with the girls.....I saw my two me's; The 'Mummy Me' and the 'Friend Me'. And I felt grateful that the two can connect.....they can be interlocked into one. My friends embrace my life as a Mumma, they carry & cuddle & love my kids...which makes me happy.
I have to pick & choose which events & gatherings I attend these days. Coz my life is about being Mummy now, and that's awesome. But I still love {and need} time with my friends....so when I can combine being a Mum & a friend....I'm happy! {Although some baby-free time with friends is soul-replenshing too!}
Now that life is starting to settle again and we're finding a new groove as a family of 4, I'm finding the time again to do more with my friends. To make more effort. To be a good friend again. Finding the time isn't easy....life is busy.....but when I reflect back on each day....I want to know that I was a good Mumma that day.....and a good friend too. I'm trying to think of new ways to fit in time with my friends & my family on top of Ella's busy social life {hahaha....yep at 4, she has more scheduled friend-dates than I do!}, running a business & a house and finding a few seconds for myself.
Can you relate? Do you have any suggestions on how to still be a big part of your friend's lives....whilst juggling Motherhood?
Reader Comments (2)
Hello Claire -
I've been lucky, being a mum has brought some terrific friends into my life. They may not always be there for a lifetime, but it's always fun to share the journey of being a mum.
I'm off in a few days for a road trip - a 6 hour drive to deliver a ceramic water filter to a high school friend (we've known each other for 30 years) - we've been bridesmaids, the first to drool over each others babies and shared many ups and downs in life.
For the past ten years, we may only get to speak to each other on a handful of occasions - but that's all cool.
My friend and her family dropped in virtually unannounced on their trip around Oz a few months ago - it was like we were still in our early twenties. Our friendship hasn't waned from the separation - some friendships can be pick up at various times in your life like you saw each other last week - not last decade!
OK, I'll admit - I've used the excuse that I don't trust the courier to deliver the package undamaged to drive it myself - I know I'll enjoy the time without the kids driving in the car (hubby has decided to join me, so the kids are getting dropped of at Nan's) and it will be SO good to sit back and laugh, have the wrinkles fade away and be with someone who just 'gets' you - even if it's just an afternoon.
True friendships are very special - don't feel pressure to meet any standards, though. I reckon Dr Suess had it right when he wrote - "Those that mind, don't matter and those that matter don't mind."
One thing that we do occasionally is to send parcels out of the blue. I received the book "Eat Pray Love" in the mail, with a handwritten message with it. Receiving the gift still makes me smile. A text, photo any contact is great. Scarcity of time is understood. You'll all catch up again :)
I have friends who I have not seen in months but we stay in contact via emails, Facebook and phone calls.
Some weeks/months when we are all way too busy with our jobs, children, families, homes etc this is the most I can achieve. I love that modern technology helps people to stay in touch :)